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ALICE’S ADVENTURES 
IN WONDERLAND. 






















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ALICE’S ADVENTURES 


IN WONDERLAND 


BY 

LEWIS CAKROLL 


WITH FORTY-TWO ILLUSTRATIONS 
BY JOHN TENNIEL 




Nefo gorfe 

THE MACMILLAN COMPANY 

LONDON: MACMILLAN & CO., Ltd. 

1904 


All rights reserved 



Printed March, 1898. Reprinted Jure, i8^g; 
August, 1900; March, 1901 ; January, September, 
1902 ; December, 1903. 




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Norfaooti greets : 

Berwick & Smith, Norwood, Mass., U.S.A. 


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PREFACE 


V 


V3 



TO THE 

EIGHTY-SIXTH THOUSAND 


Enquiries have been so often addressed to me, as to 
whether any answer to the Hatter’s Riddle (see p. 97) 
can be imagined, that I may as well put on record here 
what seems to me to be a fairly appropriate answer, viz. 
“ Because it can produce a few notes, though they are 
very flat ; and it is never put with the wrong end in 
front ! ” This, however, is merely an after-thought : the 
Riddle, as originally invented, had no answer at all. 

For this eighty-sixth thousand, fresh electrotypes have 
been taken from the wood-blocks (which, never having 
been used for printing from, are in as good condition as 
when first cut in 1865), and the whole book has been set 
up afresh with new type. If the artistic qualities of this 
re-issue fall short, in any particular, of those possessed by 
the original issue, it will not be for want of painstaking on 
the part of author, publisher, or printer. 

I take this opportunity of announcing that the Nursery 
“ Alice,” hitherto priced at four shillings, net, is now to 
be had on the same terms as the ordinary shilling picture- 
books — although I feel sure that it is, in every quality 
(except the text itself, on which I am not qualified to 
pronounce), greatly superior to them. Four shillings was 
a perfectly reasonable price to charge, considering the very 
heavy initial outlay I had incurred : still, as the Public 
have practically said “We will not give more than a 
shilling for a picture-book, however artistically got-up”, 
I am content to reckon my outlay on the book as so much 
dead loss, and, rather than let the little ones, for whom it 
was written, go without it, I am selling it at a price which 
is, to me, much the same thing as giving it away. 



Christmas , 1896. 














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CONTENTS. 


CHAPTEB PAGE 

I. DOWN THE RABBIT-HOLE 1 

II. THE POOL OF TEARS 15 

III. A CAUCUS-RACE AND A LONG TALE 29 

IV. THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL 41 

V. ADVICE FROM A CATERPILLAR 59 

VI. PIG AND PEPPER 76 

» 

VII. A MAD TEA-PARTY 95 

VIII. THE QUEEN’S CROQUET-GROUND 112 

IX. THE MOCK TURTLE’S STORY 130 

X. THE LOBSTER-QUADRILLE 147 

XI. WHO STOLE THE TARTS ? 162 

xii. Alice’s evidence 176 



All in the golden afternoon 
Full leisurely we glide ; 

For both our oars, with little skill, 

By little arms are plied, 

While little hands make vain pretence 
Our wanderings to guide. 


Ah, cruel Three ! In such an hour, 
Beneath such dreamy weather, 

To beg a tale of breath too weak 
To stir the tiniest feather ! 

Yet what can one poor voice avail 
Against three tongues together ? 


Imperious Prima flashes forth 
Her edict “ to begin it ” : 

In gentler tones Secunda hopes 
“There will be nonsense in it!” 
While Tertia interrupts the tale 
Not more than once a minute. 


Anon, to sudden silence won, 

In fancy they pursue 
The dream-child moving through a land 
Of wonders wild and new, 

In friendly chat with bird or beast — 
And half believe it true. 


And ever, as the story drained 
The wells of fancy dry, 

And faintly strove that weary one 
To put the subject by, 

“ The rest next time — ” “ It is next time ! 
The happy voices cry. 




Thus grew the tale of Wonderland : 

Thus slowly, one by one, 

Its quaint events were hammered out — 
And now the tale is done, 

And home we steer, a merry crew, 
Beneath the setting sun. 


Alice ! A childish story take, 

And, with a gentle hand, 

Lay it where Childhood’s dreams are twined 
In Memory’s mystic band, 

Like pilgrim’s wither’d wreath of flowers 
Pluck’d in a far-off land. 



























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CHRISTMAS-GREETINGS 


[FROM a fairy to a child.] 


Lady dear, if Fairies may 
For a moment lay aside 
Cunning- tricks and elfish play, 
'Tis at happy Christmas-tide. 


We have heard the children say — 
Gentle children, whom we love — 
Long ago, on Christmas Day, 

Caine a message from above. 


Still, as Christmas-tide ‘comes round, 
They remember it again — 

Echo still the joyful sound 
“Peace on earth, good-will to men!” 


Yet the hearts must childlike be 
Where such heavenly guests abide; 
Unto children, in their glee, 

All the year is Christmas-tide 1 


Thus, forgetting tricks and play 
For a moment, Lady dear, 

We would wish you, if we may. 
Merry Christmas, glad New Year l 


Christmas , 1867. 





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* 






CHAPTER I. 


DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE. 


Alice was beginning to get very tired of 
sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having 
nothing to do : once or twice she had peeped into 
the book her sister was reading, but it had no 
pictures or conversations in it, “ and what is 
£ B 


2 


DOWN THE 


the use of a book/’ thought Alice, “ without 
pictures or conversations ? ” 

So she was considering, in her own mind 
(as well as she could, for the hot day made 

her feel very sleepy and stupid), whether the 
pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be 
worth the trouble of getting up and picking the 
daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink 
eyes ran close by her. 

There was nothing so very remarkable in 
that ; nor did Alice think it so very much out 
of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself 

“ Oh dear ! Oh dear ! I shall be too late ! ” 

(when she thought it over afterwards, it oc- 
curred to her that she ought to have wondered 
at this, but at the time it all seemed quite 

natural) ; but, when the Rabbit actually took a 
watch out of its waistcoat-pocket , and looked at 
it, and then hurried on, Alice started to her 
feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had 
never before seen a rabbit with either a waist- 
coat-pocket, or a watch to take out of it, and, 


RABBIT-HOLE. 


3 


burning with curiosity, she ran across the field 
after it, ahd was just in time to see it pop 
down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge. 

In another moment down went Alice after 
it, never once considering how in the world 
she was to get out again. 

The rabbit-hole went straight on like a 
tunnel for some way, and then dipped suddenly 
down, so suddenly that Alice had not a moment 
to think about stopping herself before she found 
herself falling down what seemed to be a very 
deep well. 

Either the well was very deep, or she fell 
very slowly, for she had plenty of time as she 
went down to look about her, and to wonder 
what was going to happen next. First, she tried 
to look down and make out what she was 
coming to, but it was too dark to see anything : 
then she looked at the sides of the well, and 
noticed that they were filled with cupboards 
and book-shelves : here and there she saw maps 
and pictures hung upon pegs. She took down 
b 2 


4 


DOWN THE 


a jar from one of the shelves as she passed : it 
was labeled “ ORANGE MARMALADE,” but 
to her great disappointment it was empty : she 
did not like to drop the jar, for fear of killing 
somebody underneath, so managed to put it into 
one of the cupboards as she fell past it. 

“ Well ! ” thought Alice to herself. “ After 
such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of 
tumbling down-stairs ! How brave they ’ll all 
think me at home ! Why, I wouldn’t say any- 
thing about it, even if I fell off the top of the 
house!” (Which was very likely true.) 

Down, down, down. Would the fall never 
come to an end ? “I wonder how many miles 
I Ve fallen by this time ? ” she said aloud. “ I 
must be getting somewhere near the centre of 
the earth. Let me see : that would be four 
thousand miles down, I think — ” (for, you see, 
Alice had learnt several things of this sort in 
her lessons in the school-room, and though this 
was not a very good opportunity for showing off 
her knowledge, as there was no one to listen to 


RABBIT-HOLE. 


5 


her, still it was good practice to say it over) 
“ — yes, that’s about the right distance — but then 
I wonder what Latitude or Longitude I’ve got 
to ? ” (Alice had not the slightest idea what 
Latitude was, or Longitude either, but she 
thought they were nice grand words to say.) 

Presently she began again. “ I wonder if 
I shall fall right through the earth ! How funny 
it’ll seem to come out among the people that 
walk with their heads downwards ! The anti- 
pathies, I think — ” (she was rather glad there 
was no one listening, this time, as it didn’t 
sound at all the right word) “ — but I shall 
have to ask them what the name of the country 
is, you know. Please, Ma’am, is this New 
Zealand ? Or Australia ? ” (and she tried to curtsey 
as she spoke — fancy, curtseying as you ’re falling 
through the air ! Do you think you could 
manage it ?) “ And what an ignorant little girl 

she ’ll think me for asking ! No, it ’ll never do 
to ask : perhaps I shall see it written up 
somewhere.” 


6 


DOWN THE 


Down, down, down. There was nothing else to 
do, so Alice soon began talking again. “ Dinah ’ll 
miss me very much to-night, I should think ! ” 
(Dinah was the cat.) “ I hope they’ll remember 
her saucer of milk at tea-time. Dinah, my dear ! 
I wish you were down here with me ! There 
are no mice in the air, I’m afraid, but you 
might catch a bat, and that ’s very like a mouse, 
you know. But do cats eat bats, I wonder ? ” 
And here Alice began to get rather sleepy, and 
went on saying to herself, in a dreamy sort 
of way, “ Do cats eat bats ? Do cats eat bats ? ” 
and sometimes “ Do bats eat cats ? ”, for, you 
see, as she couldn’t answer either question, it 
didn’t much matter which way she put it. She 
felt that she was dozing off, and had just begun 
to dream that she was walking hand in hand 
with Dinah, and was saying to her, very 
earnestly, “Now, Dinah, tell me the truth: did 
you ever eat a bat ? ”, when suddenly, thump ! 
thump ! down she came upon a heap of sticks 
and dry leaves, and the fall was over. 


RABBIT-HOLE. 


7 


Alice was not a bit hurt, and she jumped up 
on to her feet in a moment : she looked up, 
but it was all dark overhead : before her was 
another long passage, and the White Rabbit wtis 
still in sight, hurrying down it. There was not 
a moment to be lost : away went Alice like the 
wind, and was just in time to hear it say, as 
it turned a corner, “ Oh my ears and whiskers, 
how late it ’s getting ! ” She was close behind it 
when she turned the corner, but the Rabbit was 
no longer to be seen : she found herself in a 
long, low hall, which w T as lit up by a row of 
lamps hanging from the roof. 

There were doors all round the hall, but they 
were all locked ; and when Alice had been all 
the way down one side and up the other, trying 
every door, she walked sadly down the middle, 
wondering how she was ever to get out again. 

Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged 
table, all made of solid glass : there was nothing 
on it but a tiny golden key, and Alices first 
idea was that this might belong to one of the 


8 


DOWN THE 


doors of the hall ; but, alas ! either the locks 
were too large, or the key was too small, but 
at any rate it would not open any of them. 
However, on the second time round, she came 

upon a low 
curtain she had 
not noticed be- 
fore, and be- 
hind it was 
a little door 
about fifteen 
inches high : 
she tried the 
little golden 
key in the 
lock, and to her great delight it fitted ! 

Alice opened the door and found that it led 
into a small passage, not much larger than a 
rat-hole : she knelt down and looked along the 
passage into the loveliest garden you ever saw. 
How she longed to get out of that dark hall, 
and wander about among those beds of bright 



RABBIT-HOLE. 


9 


flowers and those cool fountains, but she could 
not even get her head through the doorway ; 
“ and even if my head would go through/’ 
thought poor Alice, “ it would be of very little 
use without my shoulders. Oh, how I wish I 
could shut up like a telescope ! I think I could, 
if I only knew how to begin.” For, you see, so 
many out-of-the-way things had happened lately, 
that Alice had begun to think that very few 
things indeed were really impossible. 

There seemed to be no use in waiting by 
the little door, so she went back to the table, 
half hoping she might find another key on it, 
or at any rate a book of rules for shutting 
people up like telescopes : this time she found 
a little bottle on it (“ which certainly was not 
here before,” said Alice), and tied round the 
neck of the bottle was a paper label, with the 
words “ DKINK ME ” beautifully printed on it 
in large letters. 

It was all very well to say “ Drink me,” but 
the wise little Alice was not going to do that 


10 


DOWN THE 


in a hurry. “ No, I’ll look first,” she said, “ and 
see whether it ’s 
marked 4 poison ’ or 
not ” ; for she had 
read several nice 
little stories about 
children who had 
got burnt, and eaten 
up by wild beasts, 
and other unpleasant 
things, all because 
they would not re- 
member the simple 
rules their friends 
had taught them : such as, that a red-hot poker 
will burn you if you hold it too long ; and 
that, if you cut your finger very deeply with 
a knife, it usually bleeds ; and she had never 
forgotten that, if you drink much from a bottle 
marked 44 poison,” it is almost certain to disagree 
with you, sooner or later. 

However, this bottle was not marked 44 poison,” 



RABBIT-HOLE. 


11 


so Alice ventured to taste it, and, finding it 
very nice (it had, in fact, a sort of mixed 
flavour of cherry-tart, custard, pine-apple, roast 
turkey, toffy, and hot buttered toast), she very 
soon finished it off 

* * * * 

* * * 

* * * * 

“ What a curious feeling ! ” said Alice. “ I must 
be shutting up like a telescope ! ” 

And so it was indeed : she was now only 
ten inches high, and her face brightened up 
at the thought that she was now the right 
size for going through the little door into that 
lovely garden. First, however, she waited for a 
few minutes to see if she was going to shrink 
any further : she felt a little nervous about 
this ; “ for it might end, you know,” said Alice 
to herself, “ in my going out altogether, like a 
candle. I wonder what I should be like then ? ” 
And she tried to fancy what the flame of a 
candle looks like after the candle is blown out, 


12 


DOWN THE 


for she could not remember ever having seen 
such a thing. 

After a while, finding that nothing more 
happened, she decided on going into the garden 
at once ; but, alas for poor Alice ! when she got 
to the door, she found she had forgotten the 
little golden key, and when she went back to 
the table for it, she found she could not possibly 
reach it : she could see it quite plainly through 
the glass, and she tried her best to climb up 
one of the legs of. the table, but it was too 
slippery ; and when she had tired herself out 
with trying, the poor little thing sat down 
and cried. 

“ Come, there’s no use in crying like that ! ” 
said Alice to herself rather sharply. “ I advise 
you to leave off this minute ! ” She generally 
gave herself very good advice (though she 
very seldom followed it), and sometimes she 
scolded herself so severely as to bring tears 
into her eyes ; and once she remembered trying 
to box her own ears for having cheated herself 


RABBIT-HOLE. 


13 


in a game of croquet she was playing against 
herself, for this curious child was very fond of 
pretending to be two people. “ But it ’s no use 
now/' thought poor Alice, “ to pretend to be two 
people ! Why, there ’s hardly enough of me left 
to make one respectable person ! ” 

Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that 
was lying under the table : she opened it, and 
found in it a very small cake, on which the 
words “ EAT ME ” were beautifully marked in 
currants. “ Well, I ’ll eat it,” said Alice, “ and if 
it makes me grow larger, I can reach the key ; 
and if it makes me grow smaller, I can creep 
under the door : so either way I ’ll get into the 
garden, and I don’t care which happens ! ” 

She ate a little bit, and said anxiously to 
herself “ Which way ? Which way ? ”, holding her 
hand on the top of her head to feel which way 
it was growing ; and she was quite surprised 
to find that she remained the same size. To be 
sure, this is what generally happens when one 
eats cake ; but Alice had got so much into the 


14 


DOWN THE RABBIT-HOLE. 


way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way 
things to happen, that it seemed quite dull and 
stupid for life to go on in the common way. 

So she set to work, and very soon finished 
off the cake. 


CHAPTER II. 

THE POOL OF TEARS. 

“ Curiouser and 
curiouser ! ” cried Alice 
(she was so much sur- 
prised, that for the 
moment she quite for- 
got how to speak good 
English). “ Now I ’m 
opening out like the 
largest telescope that 
ever was ! Good-bye, 
feet ! ” (for when she 
looked down at her 
feet, they seemed to 
be almost out of sight, 
they were getting so 
far off). “ Oh, my poor 
little feet, I wonder 



16 THE POOL 

who will put on your shoes and stockings for 
you now, dears ? I’m sure I sha’n’t be able ! I 
shall be a great deal too far off to trouble my- 
self about you : you must manage the best way 
you can — but I must be kind to them,” thought 
Alice, “ or perhaps they wo’n’t walk the way I 
want to go ! Let me see. I’ll give them a new 
pair of boots every Christmas.” 

And she went on planning to herself how she 
would manage it. “ They must go by the carrier,” 
she thought ; “ and how funny it ’ll seem, sending 
presents to one’s own feet ! And how odd the 
directions will look ! 

Alices Right Foot , Esq. 

Hearthrug , 

near the Fender, 

(with Alices love). 

Oh dear, what nonsense I ’m talking ! ” 

Just at this moment her head struck against the 
roof of the hall : in fact she was now rather more 
than nine feet high, and she at once took up .the 
little golden key and hurried off to the garden door. 


OF TEARS. 


17 


Poor Alice ! It was as much as she could do, 
lying down on one side, to look through into 
the garden with one eye ; but to get through 
was more hopeless than ever : she sat down and 
began to cry again. 

“You ought to be ashamed of yourself,” said 
Alice, “a great girl like you,” (she might well 
say this)., “to go on crying in this way ! Stop 
this moment, I tell you ! ” But she went on all 
the same, shedding gallons of tears, until there 
was a large pool all round her, about four inches 
deep, and reaching half down the hall. 

After a time she heard a little pattering of 
feet in the distance, and she hastily dried her 
eyes to see what was coming. It was the White 
Rabbit returning, splendidly dressed, with a pair 
of white kid-gloves in one hand and a large 
fan in the other : he came trotting along in a 
great hurry, muttering to himself, as he came, 
“ Oh ! The Duchess, the Duchess ! Oh ! Wo’ n’t she 
be savage if I Ve kept her waiting ! ” Alice 
felt so desperate that she was ready to ask help 

c 


18 


THE POOL 



of any one : so, when the Rabbit came near her, 
she began, in a low, timid voice, “ If you please, 

Sir ” The Rabbit started violently, dropped 

the white kid-gloves and the fan, and skurried 
away into the darkness as hard as he could go. 


OF TEARS. 


19 


Alice took up the fan and gloves, and, as the 
hall was very hot, she kept fanning herself all 
the time she went on talking. “ Dear, dear ! 
How queer everything is to-day ! And yester- 
day things went on just as usual. I wonder if 
I ’ve been changed in the night ? Let me think : 
was I the same when I got up this morning? 
I almost think I can remember feeling a little 
different. But if I ’m not the same, the next 
question is ‘ Who in the world am I ? ’ Ah, that’s 
the great puzzle ! ” And she began thinking over 
all the children she knew that were of the 
same age as herself, to see if she could have 
been changed for any of them. 

“ I ’m sure I ’m not Ada,” she said, “ for her 
hair goes in such long ringlets, and mine doesn’t 
go in ringlets at all ; and I ’m sure I ca’n’t be 
Mabel, for I know all sorts of things, and she, 
oh, she knows such a very little ! Besides, she ’s 
she, and I’m I, and — oh dear, how puzzling it 
all is ! I’ll try if I know all the things I used 
to know. Let me see : four times five is twelve, 
O' 2 


20 


THE POOL 


and four times six is thirteen, and four times 
seven is — oh dear ! I shall never get to twenty 
at that rate ! However, the Multiplication-Table 
doesn’t signify : let ’s try Geography. London is 
the capital of Paris, and Paris is the capital of 
Rome, and Rome — no, that ’s all wrong, I ’m 
certain ! I must have been changed for Mabel ! 
I ’ll try and say ‘ How doth the little — ’ ,” and she 
crossed her hands on her lap, as if she were 
saying lessons, and began to repeat it, but her 
voice sounded hoarse and strange, and the words 
did not come the same as they used to do : — 

“How doth the little crocodile 
Improve his shining tail , 

And pour the waters of the Nile 
On every golden scale! 

“ How cheerfully he seems to grin, 

How neatly spreads his claws, 

And welcomes little fishes in, 

With gently smiling jaws ! ” 


OF TEARS. 


21 


“ I ’m sure those are not the right words,” 
said poor Alice, and her eyes filled with tears 
again as she went on, “I must be Mabel after 
all, and I shall have to go and live in that 
poky little house, and have next to no toys to 
play with, and oh, ever so many lessons to 
learn ! No, I ’ve made up my mind about it : 
if I ’m Mabel, I ’ll stay down here ! It ’ll be no 
use their putting their heads down and saying 
‘ Come up again, dear ! ’ I shall only look up 
and say ‘ Who am I, then ? Tell me that first, 
and then, if I like being that person, I ’ll come 
up : if not, I ’ll stay down here till I ’m some- 
body else ’ — but, oh dear ! ” cried Alice, with a 
sudden burst of tears, “I do wish they would 
put their heads down ! I am so very tired of 
being all alone here ! ” 

As she said this she looked down at her 
hands, and was surprised to see that she had 
put on one of the Rabbit’s little white kid-gloves 
while she was talking. “ How can I have done 
that?” she thought. “ I must be growing small 


22 


THE POOL 


again.” She got up and went to the table to 
measure herself by it, and found that, as nearly 
as she could guess, she was now about two feet 
high, and was going on shrinking rapidly : she 
soon found out that the cause of this was the 
fan she was holding, and she dropped it hastily, 
just in time to save herself from shrinking away 
altogether. 

“ That was a narrow escape ! ” said Alice, a 
good deal frightened at the sudden change, but 
very glad to find herself still in existence. “ And 
now for the garden ! ” And she ran with all 
speed back to the little door ; but, alas ! the 
little door was shut again, and the little golden 
key was lying on the glass table as before, “ and 
things are worse than ever,” thought the poor 

child, “for 1 never was so small as this before, 
never ! And I declare it ’s too bad, that it is ! ” 
As she said these words her foot slipped, 

and in another moment, splash ! she was up to 
her chin in salt-water. Her first idea was that 

she had somehow fallen into the sea, “ and in 


OF TEARS. 


23 



that case I can go back by railway,” she said 
bo herself. (Alice had been to the seaside once 
in her life, and had come to the general con- 
clusion that, wherever you go to on the English 
coast, you find a number of bathing-machines 
in the sea, some children digging in the sand 
with wooden spades, then a row of lodging- 
houses, and behind them a railway-station.) 
However, she soon made out that she was in 
the pool of tears which she had wept when she 
was nine feet high. 

“ I wish I hadn’t cried so much!” said Alice,’ 
as she swam about, trying to find her way out. 


24 


THE POOL 


“ I shall be punished for it now, I suppose, by 
being drowned in my own tears ! That will be 
a queer thing, to be sure ! However, everything 
is queer to-day.” 

Just then she heard something splashing 
about in the pool a little way off, and she swam 
nearer to make out what it was : at first she 
thought it must be a walrus or hippopotamus, 
but then she remembered how small she was 
now, and she soon made out that it was only 
a mouse, that had slipped in like herself. 

“ Would it be of any use, now,” thought 
Alice, “ to speak to this mouse ? Everything is 
so out-of-the-way down here, that I should think 
very likely it can talk : at any rate, there ’s 
no harm in trying.” So she began : “ 0 Mouse, 
do you know the way out of this pool? I am 
very tired of swimming about here, 0 Mouse ! ” 
(Alice thought this must be the right way of 
speaking to a mouse : she had never done such 
a thing before, but she remembered having seen, 
in her brother’s Latin Grammar, “ A mouse — 


OF TEARS. 


25 


of a mouse — to a mouse — a mouse — 0 mouse ! ” 
The mouse looked at her rather inquisitively, and 
seemed to her to wink with one of its little 
eyes, but it said nothing. 

“ Perhaps it doesn’t understand English,” 
thought Alice. “ I daresay it ’s a French mouse, 
come over with William the Conqueror.” (For, 
with all her knowledge of history, Alice had no 
very clear notion how long ago anything had 
happened.) So she began again : “ Oil est ma 
chatte ? ”, which was the first sentence in her 
French lesson-book. The Mouse gave a sudden 
leap out of the water, and seemed to quiver 
all over with fright. “Oh, I beg your pardon ! ” 
cried Alice hastily, afraid that she had hurt the 
poor animals feelings. “ I quite forgot you didn’t 
like cats.” 

“Not like cats ! ” cried the Mouse in a shrill, 
passionate voice. “Would you like cats, if you 
were me ? ” 

“ Well, perhaps not,” said Alice in a sooth- 
ing tone : “ don’t be angry about it. And yet 


26 


THE POOL 


I wish I could show you our cat Dinah. I 
think you ’d take a fancy to cats, if you could 
only see her. She is such a dear quiet thing,” 
Alice went on, half to herself, as she swam lazily 



about in the pool, “ and she sits purring so 
nicely by the fire, licking her paws and wash- 
ing her face — and she is such a nice soft thing 
to nurse — and she’s such a capital one for catch- 
ing mice oh, I beg your pardon ! ” cried Alice 

again, for this time the Mouse was bristling 
all over, and she felt certain it must be really 



OF TEARS. 


27 


offended. “ We wo’n’t talk about her any more, 
if you’d rather not.” 

44 We, indeed ! ” cried the Mouse, who was 
trembling down to the end of its tail. “ As if 1 
would talk on such a subject ! Our family always 
hated cats : nasty, low, vulgar things ! Don’t 
let me hear the name again ! ” 

“ I wo’n’t indeed ! ” said Alice, in a great 
hurry to change the subject of conversation. 
4 4 Are you — are you fond — of — of dogs ? ” The 
Mouse did not answer, so Alice went on eagerly : 
44 There is such a nice little dog, near our house, 
I should like to show you ! A little bright- 
eyed terrier, you know, with oh, such long 
curly brown hair ! And it ’ll fetch things when 
you throw them, and it ’ll sit up and beg for 
its dinner, and all sorts of things — I ca’n’t re- 
member half of them — and it belongs to a 
farmer, you know, and he says it’s so useful, 
it ’s worth a hundred pounds ! He says it kills 
all the rats and — oh dear ! ” cried Alice in a 
sorrowful tone. 44 1 ’m afraid I ’ve offended it 


28 


THE POOL OF TEARS. 


again ! ” For the Mouse was swimming away 
from her as hard as it could go, and making 
quite a commotion in the pool as it went. 

So she called softly after it, “ Mouse dear ! 
Do come back again, and we wo’n’t talk about 
cats, or dogs either, if you don’t like them ! ” 
When the Mouse heard this, it turned round 
and swam slowly back to her : its face was 
quite pale (with passion, Alice thought), and 
it said, in a low trembling voice, “ Let us get 
to the shore, and then I ’ll tell you my history, 
and you ’ll understand why it is I hate cats 
and dogs.” 

It was high time to go, for the pool was 
getting quite crowded with the birds and ani- 
mals that had fallen into it : there was a Duck 
and a Dodo, a Lory and an Eaglet, and several 
other curious creatures. Alice led the way, and 
the whole party swam to the shore. 



CHAPTER III. 

A CAUCUS-RACE AND A LONG TALE. 

They were indeed a queer-looking party that 
assembled on the bank — the birds with draggled 
feathers, the animals with their fur clinging close 
to them, and all dripping wet, cross, and un- 
comfortable. 

The first question of course was, how to get 
dry again : they had a consultation about this, 


30 


A CAUCUS-RACE 


and after a few minutes it seemed quite natural 
to Alice to find herself talking familiarly with 
them, as if she had known them all her life. 
Indeed, she had quite a long argument with 
the Lory, who at last turned sulky, and would 
only say “I’m older than you, and must know 
better.” And this Alice would not allow, with- 
out knowing how old it was, and, as the Lory 
positively refused to tell its age, there was no 
more to be said. 

At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a 
person of some authority among them, called 
out “ Sit down, all of you, and listen to me ! 
I'll soon make you dry enough!” They all sat 
down at once, ' in a large ring, with the Mouse 
in the middle. Alice kept her eyes anxiously 
fixed on it, for she felt sure she would catch a 
bad cold if she did not get dry very soon. 

“ Ahem ! ” said the Mouse with an important 
air. “ Are you all ready ? This is the driest 
thing I know. Silence all round, if you please ! 

‘ William the Conqueror, whose cause was 


AND A LONG TALE. 


31 


favoured by the pope, was soon submitted to 
by the English, who wanted leaders, and had 
been of late much accustomed to usurpation and 
conquest. Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mercia 

and Northumbria ■’ ” 

“ Ugh ! ” said the Lory, with a shiver. 

4 4 1 beg your pardon ! ” said the Mouse, 
frowning, but very politely. 44 Did you speak ? ” 
44 Not I ! ” said the Lory, hastily. 

44 1 thought you did,” said the Mouse. 44 1 
proceed. 4 Edwin and Morcar, the earls of 
Mercia and Northumbria, declared for him ; 
and even Stigand, the patriotic archbishop of 

Canterbury, found it advisable 

44 Found wliat ? ” said the Duck. 

44 Found it r ” the Mouse replied rather crossly : 
44 of course you know what 4 it’ means.” 

44 1 know what 4 it ’ means well enough, when 
I find a thing,” said the Duck: 44 it's generally 
a frog, or a worm. The question is, what did 
the archbishop find?” 

The Mouse did not notice this question, but 


32 


A CAUCUS-RACE 


hurriedly went on, “ ‘ — found it advisable to go 
with Edgar Atheling to meet William and offer 
him the crown. Williams conduct at first was 

moderate. But the insolence of his Normans ’ 

How are you getting on now, my dear ? ” it con- 
tinued, turning to Alice as it spoke. 

“As wet as ever,” said Alice in a melancholy 
tone : “ it doesn’t seem to dry me at all.” 

“ In that case,” said the Dodo solemnly, 
rising to its feet, “ I move that the meeting 
adjourn, for the immediate adoption of more 
energetic remedies ” 

“ Speak English ! ” said the Eaglet. “ I don’t 
know the meaning of half those long words, 
and, what ’s more, I don’t believe you do either ! ” 
And the Eaglet bent down its head to hide a 
smile : some of the other birds tittered audibly. 

“What I was going to say,” said the Dodo 
in an offended tone, “was, that the best thing 
to get us dry would be a Caucus-race.” 

“ What is a Caucus-race ? ” said Alice ; not 
that she much wanted to know, but the Dodo 


AND A LONG TALE. 


33 


had paused as if it thought that somebody ought 
to speak, and no one else seemed inclined to 
say anything. 

“ Why,” said the Dodo, “ the best way to 
explain it is to do it.” (And, as you might like 
to try the thing yourself, some winter-day, I 
will tell you how the Dodo managed it.) 

First it marked out a race-course, in a sort 
of circle, (“ the exact shape doesn’t matter,” it 
said,) and then all the party were placed along 
the course, here and there. There was no “ One, 
two, three, and away ! ”, but they began running 
when they liked, and left off when they liked, so 
that it was not easy to know when the race was 
over. However, wdien they had been running half 
an hour or so, and were quite dry again, the Dodo 
suddenly called out “ The race is over ! ”, and they 
all crowded round it, panting, and asking “ But 
who has won ? ” 

This question the Dodo could not answer 
without a great deal of thought, and it stood for 
a long time with one finger pressed upon its 

D 


34 


A CAUCUS-RACE 


forehead (the position in which you usually 
see Shakespeare, in the pictures of him), while 
the rest waited in silence. At last the Dodo said 
“ Everybody has won, and all must have prizes.” 

“ But who is to give the prizes ? ” quite a 
chorus of voices asked. 

“ Why, she , of course,” said the Dodo, point- 
ing to Alice with one finger ; and the whole 
party at once crowded round her, calling out, in 
a confused way, “ Prizes ! Prizes ! ” 

Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair 
she put her hand in her pocket, and pulled out 
a box of comfits (luckily the salt water had not 
got into it), and handed them round as prizes. 
There was exactly one a-piece, all round. 

“ But she must have a prize herself, you 
know,” said the Mouse. 

“ Of course,” the Dodo replied very gravely. 
“ What else have you got in your pocket ? ” it 
went on, turning to Alice. 

“ Only a thimble,” said Alice sadly. 

“ Hand it over here,” said the Dodo. 


AND A LONG TALE. 


35 



Then they all crowded round her once more, 
while the Dodo solemnly presented the thimble, 
saying “ We beg your acceptance of this elegant 
thimble ” ; and, when it had finished this short 
speech, they all cheered. 

d 2 


36 


A CAUCUS-RACE 


Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, 
but they all looked so grave that she did not 
dare to laugh ; and, as she could not think of 
anything to say, she simply bowed, and took the 
thimble, looking as solemn as she could. 

The next thing was to eat the comfits : this 
caused some noise and confusion, as the large 
birds complained that they could not taste theirs, 
and the small ones choked and had to be patted 
on the back. However, it was over at last, and 
they sat down again in a ring, and begged the 
Mouse to tell them something more. 

“You promised to tell me your history, you 
know,” said Alice, “ and why it is you hate — C 
and D,” she added in a whisper, half afraid that 
it would be offended again. 

“ Mine is a long and a sad tale ! ” said the 
Mouse, turning to Alice, and sighing. 

“ It is a long tail, certainly,” said Alice, 
looking down with wonder at the Mouse’s tail ; 
“ but why do you call it sad ? ” And she kept on 
puzzling about it while the Mouse was speaking, 


AND A LONG TALE. 




37 


so that her idea of the tale was something like 
this : “ F urv said to 

4 / 

a mouse, That 

lie met in tlie 

house, ‘Let 
us both go 
to law : I 
will prose- 
cute you . — - 
Come, I ’ll 
take no de- 
nial: AVe 
must have 
the trial ; 

For really 
this morn- 
ing I’ve 
nothing 
to do.’ 

Said the 
mouse to 
the cur, 

'Such a 
tiial. dear 
sir. With 
no jury 
or judge, 
woul d 
be wast- 
ing our 
breath." 

'I'll be 
judge, 

I’ll be 
jury. ’ 

said 
cun- 
ning 
old 
Fury : 

•111 
t r v 
the 

whole 
can 8®. 
and 
con- 
demn 
you to 
death '• ’ 


A CAUCUS-RACE 


“You are not attending ! ” said the Mouse 
to Alice, severely. “ What are you thinking of?” 

“ I beg your pardon,” said Alice very humbly : 
“ you had got to the fifth bend, I think ? ” 

“ I had not ! ” cried the Mouse, sharply and 
very angrily. 

“ A knot ! ” said Alice, always ready to make 
herself useful, and looking anxiously about her 
“ Oh, do let me help to undo it ! ” 

“ I shall do nothing of the sort,” said the 
Mouse, getting up and walking away. “You 
insult me by talking such nonsense ! ” 

“ I didn’t mean it ! ” pleaded poor Alice. 
“ But you ’re so easily offended, you know ! ” 

The Mouse only growled in reply. 

“ Please come back, and finish your story ! ” 
Alice called after it. And the others all joined 
in chorus “ Yes, please do ! ” But the Mouse 
only shook its head impatiently, and walked a 
little quicker. 

“ What a pity it wouldn’t stay ! ” sighed 
the Lory, as soon as it was quite out of sight. 


AND A LONCt TALE. 


39 


And an old Crab took the opportunity of saying 
to her daughter “ Ah, my dear ! Let this be 
a lesson to you never to lose your temper ! ” 
“ Hold your tongue, Ma ! ” said the young Crab, 
a little snappishly. “You're enough to try the 
patience of an oyster ! ” 

“ I wish I had our Dinah here, I know I 
do ! ” said Alice aloud, addressing nobody in 
particular. “ She ’ d soon fetch it back ! ” 

“ And who is Dinah, if I might venture to 
ask the question ? ” said the Lory. 

Alice replied eagerly, for she was always 
ready to talk about her pet : “ Dinah ’s our 
cat. And she’s such a capital one for catching 
mice, you ca’n’t think ! And oh, I wish you 
could see her after the birds ! Why, she ’ll eat 
a little bird as soon as look at it ! ” 

. This speech caused a remarkable sensation 
among the party. Some of the birds hurried 
off at once : one old Magpie began wrapping 
itself up very carefully, remarking “ I really 
must be getting home : the night-air doesn't 


40 


A CAUCUS-RACE AND A LONG TALE. 


suit my throat ! ” And a Canary called out in a 
trembling voice, to its children, “ Come away, my 
dears ! It ’s high time you were all in bed ! ” On 
various pretexts they all moved off, and Alice 
was soon left alone. 

“ I wish I hadn’t mentioned Dinah ! ” she 
said to herself in a melancholy tone. “ Nobody 
seems to like her, down here, and I ’m sure she ’s 
the best cat in the world ! Oh, my dear Dinah ! 
I wonder if I shall ever see you any more ! ” 
And here poor Alice began to cry again, for she 
felt very lonely and low-spirited. In a little 
while, however, she again heard a little patter- 
ing of footsteps in the distance, and she looked 
up eagerly, half hoping that the Mouse had 
changed his mind, and was coming back to 
finish his story. 


CHAPTER IV. 


THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL. 

It was the White Rabbit, trotting slowly 
back again, and looking anxiously about as it 
went, as if it had lost something ; and she heard 
it muttering to itself, “ The Duchess ! The 
Duchess ! Oh my dear paws ! Oh my fur and 
whiskers ! She ’ll get me executed, as sure as 
ferrets are ferrets ! Where can I have dropped 
them, I winder ? ” Alice guessed in a moment 
that it was looking for the fan and the pair 
of white kid-gloves, and she very good-naturedly 
began hunting about for them, but they were 
nowhere to be seen — everything seemed to have 


42 


THE RABBIT SENDS 


changed since her swim in the pool ; and the 
great hall, with the glass table and the little 
door, had vanished completely. 

Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice, as she 
went hunting about, and called out to her, in 
an angry tone, “ Why, Mary Ann, what are you 
doing out here ? Run home this moment, and 
fetch me a pair of gloves and a fan ! Quick, 
now ! ” And Alice was so much frightened that 
she ran off at once in the direction it pointed 
to, without trying to explain the mistake that 
it had made. 

“ He took me for his housemaid,” she said 
to herself as she ran. “ How surprised he ’ll be 
when he finds out who I am ! But I ’d better 
take him his fan and gloves — that is, if I can 
find them.” As she said this, she came upon a 
neat little house, on the door of which was a 
bright brass plate with the name “ W. RABBIT ” 
engraved upon it. She went in without knock- 
ing, and hurried upstairs, in great fear lest 
she should meet the real Mary Ann, and be 


IN A LITTLE BILL. 


43 


turned out of the house before she had found 
the fan and gloves. 

“ How queer it seems, ” Alice said to herself, 
“ to be going messages for a rabbit ! I suppose 
Dinah ’ll be sending me on messages next ! ” 
And she began fancying the sort of tiling that 
would happen : “ ‘ Miss Alice ! Come here di- 
rectly, and get ready for your walk ! ’ ‘ Coming 
in a minute, nurse ! But I ’ve got to watch 
this mouse-hole till Dinah comes back, and see 
that the mouse doesn’t get out.’ Only I don’t 
think,” Alice went on, “that they’d let Dinah 
stop in the house if it began ordering people 
about like that ! ” 

By this time she had found her way into 
a tidy little room with a table in the window, 
and on it (as she had hoped) a fan and two or 
three pairs of tiny white kid-gloves : she took 
up the fan and a pair of the gloves, and was 
just going to leave the room, when her eye fell 
upon a little bottle that stood near the looking- 
glass. There was no label this time with the 


44 


THE RABBIT SENDS 


words “ DRINK ME,” but nevertheless she un- 
corked it and put it to her lips. “ I know 
something interesting is sure to happen,” she 
said to herself, “ whenever I eat or drink any- 
thing : so I’ll just see what this bottle does. 
I do hope it’ll make me grow large again, for 
really I’m quite tired of being such a tiny 
little thing ! ” 

It did so indeed, and much sooner than she 
had expected : before she had drunk half the 
bottle, she found her head pressing against the 
ceiling, and had to stoop to save her neck from 
being broken. She hastily put down the bottle, 
saying to herself “ That’s quite enough — I hope 
I sha’n’t grow any more — As it is, I ca’n’t get 
out at the door — I do wish I hadn’t drunk 
quite so much ! ” 

Alas ! It was too late to wish that ! She 
went on growing, and growing, and very soon 
had to kneel down on the floor : in another 
minute there was not even room for this, and 
she tried the effect of lying down with one 


IN A LITTLE BILL. 


45 



elbow against the door, and the other arm 
curled round her head. Still she went on grow- 
ing, and, as a last resource, she put one arm 
out of the window, and one foot up the chimney, 
and said to herself “ Now I can do no more, 
whatever happens. What will become of me ? ” 
Luckily for Alice, the little magic bottle had 
now had its full effect, and she grew no larger : 
still it was very uncomfortable, and, as there 
seemed to be no sort of chance of her ever 


46 


THE RABBIT SENDS 


getting out of the room again, no wonder she 
felt unhappy. 

“ It was much pleasanter at home,” thought 
poor Alice, “ when one wasn’t always growing 
larger and smaller, and being ordered about by 
mice and rabbits. I almost wish I hadn’t gone 
down that rabbit-hole — and yet — and yet — it ’s 
rather curious, you know, this sort of life ! I 
do wonder what can have happened to me ! 
When I used to read fairy tales, I fancied that 
kind of thing never happened, and now here I 
am in the middle of one ! There ought to be a 
book written about me, that there ought ! And 
when I grow up, I’ll write one — but I’m grown 
up now,” she added in a sorrowful tone : “at least 
there’s no room to grow up any more here” 

“ But then,” thought Alice, “ shall I never 
get any older than I am now? That’ll be a 
comfort, one way — never to be an old woman — 
but then — always to have lessons to learn ! Oh, 
1 shouldn’t like that ! ” 

“Oh, you foolish Alice ! ” she answered her- 


IN A LITTLE BILL. 


47 


self. “ How can you learn lessons in here ? Why, 
there’s hardly room for you , and no room at all 
for any lesson-books ! ” 

And so she went on, taking first one side and 
then the other, and making quite a conversation 
of it altogether ; but after a few minutes she 
heard a voice outside, and stopped to listen. 

“ Mary Ann ! Mary Ann ! ” said the voice. 
“ Fetch me my gloves this moment ! ” Then came 
a little pattering of feet on the stairs. Alice 
knew it was the Rabbit coming to look for her, 
and she trembled till she shook the house, quite 
forgetting that she w T as now about a thousand 
times as large as the Rabbit, and had no reason 
to be afraid of it. 

Presently the Rabbit came up to the door, 
and tried to open it ; but, as the door opened 
inwards, and Alice’s elbow was pressed hard 
against it, that attempt proved a failure. Alice 
heard it say to itself “Then I’ll go round and 
get in at the window.” 

“ That you wo’n’t ! ” thought Alice, and, after 


48 


THE RABBIT SENDS 


waiting till she fancied she heard the Rabbit 
just under the window, she suddenly spread 

out her hand, and 
made a snatch in the 
air. She did not get 
hold of anything, but 
she heard a little 
shriek and a fall, 
and a crash of bro- 
ken glass, from which 
she concluded that 
it was just possible 
it had fallen into a 
cucumber - frame, or 
something of the sort. 
Next came an angry voice — the Rabbit’s — 
“ Pat ! Pat ! Where are you ? ” And then a 
voice she had never heard before, “ Sure then 
I ’m here ! Digging for apples, yer honour ! ” 

“ Digging for apples, indeed ! ” said the 
Rabbit angrily. “ Here ! Come and help me 
out of this ! ” (Sounds of more broken glass.) 



IN A LITTLE BILL. 


49 


“Now tell me, Pat, what’s that in the win- 
dow ? ” 

“ Sure, it ’s an arm, yer honour ! ” (He pro- 
nounced it “arrum.”) 

“ An arm, you goose ! Who ever saw one 
that size ? Why, it fills the whole window ! ” • 

“Sure, it does, yer honour: but it’s an arm 
for all that.” 

“ Well, it ’s got no business there, at any rate : 
go and take it away ! ” 

There was a long silence after this, and Alice 
could only hear whispers now and then ; such 
as “ Sure, I don’t like it, yer honour, at all, at 
all ! ” “ Do as I tell you, you coward ! ”, and at 

last she spread out her hand again, and made 
another snatch in the air. This time there were 
two little shrieks, and more sounds of broken 
glass. “ What a number of cucumber-frames 
there must be ! ” thought Alice. “ I wonder what 
they ’ll do next ! As for pulling me out of the 
window, I only wish they could ! I ’m sure I 
don’t want to stay in here any longer ! ” 

E 


50 


THE RABBIT SENDS 


She waited for some time without hearing 
anything more : at last came a rumbling of 
little cart-wdieels, and the sound of a good many 
voices all talking together : she made out the 
words : “ AVhere ’s the other ladder ? — Why, I 
hadn’t to bring but one. Bill’s got the other — 
Bill ! Fetch it here, lad ! — Here, put ’em up at 
this corner — No, tie ’em together first — they don’t 
reach half high enough yet — Oh, they’ll do well 
enough. Don’t be particular — Here, Bill ! Catch 
hold of this rope — Will the roof bear ? — Mind 
that loose slate — Oh, it ’s coming down ! Heads 
below ! ” (a loud crash) — “ Now, who did that ? 
— It was Bill, I fancy — Who’s to go down the 
chimney ? — Nay, I sha’n’t ! You do it ! — That 
I won’t, then ! — Bill ’s got to go down — Here, 
Bill ! The master says you ’ve got to go down 
the chimney ! ” 

“ Oh ! So Bill ’s got to come down the chim- 
ney, has he ? ” said Alice to herself. “ Why, 
they seem to put everything upon Bill ! I 
wouldn’t be in Bill’s place for a good deal : 


sAj\\\V^ 


IN A LITTLE BILL. 


51 



E 


this fireplace is narrow, 
to be sure ; but I think 
I can kick a little ! ” 

She drew her foot as 
far down the chimney as 
she could, and waited till 
she heard a little animal 
(she couldn’t guess of 
what sort it was) scratch- 
ing and scrambling about 
in the chimney close above 
her : then, saying to her- 
self “This is Bill”, she 
gave one sharp kick, and 
waited to see what would 
happen next. 

The first thing she 
heard was a general 
chorus of “ There goes 
Bill ! ” then the Babbit’s 
voice alone — “ Catch him, 
you by the hedge ! ” then 


52 


THE RABBIT SENDS 


silence, and then another confusion of voices — 
“ Hold up his head — Brandy now — Don’t choke 
him — How was it, old fellow ? What happened 
to you ? Tell us all about it ! ” 

Last came a little feeble, squeaking voice 
(“That’s Bill,” thought Alice), “Well, I hardly 
know — No more, thank ye ; I ’m better now — but 
I ’m a deal too flustered to tell you — all I know 
is, something comes at me like a Jack-in-the-box, 
and up I goes like a sky-rocket ! ” 

“ So you did, old fellow ! ” said the others. 
“We must burn the house down ! ” said the 
Babbit’s voice. And Alice called out, as loud as 
she could, “ If you do, I ’ll set Dinah at you ! ” 
There was a dead silence instantly, and Alice 
thought to herself “ I wonder what they will do 
next ! If they had any sense, they ’d take the 
roof off. ” After a minute or two, they began 
moving about again, and Alice heard the Babbit 
say “ A barrowful will do, to begin with.” 

“ A barrowful of what f ” thought Alice. But 
she had not long to doubt, for the next moment 


IN A LITTLE BILL. 


53 


a shower of little pebbles came rattling in at the 
window, and some of them hit her in the face. 
“ I ’ll put a stop to this,” she said to herself, and 
shouted out “ You ’d better not do that again ! ”, 
which produced another dead silence. 

Alice noticed, with some surprise, that the 
pebbles were all turning into little cakes as they 
lay on the floor, and a bright idea came into 
her head. “If I eat one of these cakes,” she 
thought, “ it ’s sure to make some change in my 
size ; and, as it ca’n’t possibly make me larger, it 
must make me smaller, I suppose.” 

So she swallowed one of the cakes, and was 
delighted to find that she began shrinking 
directly. As soon as she was small enough to 
get through the door, she ran out of the house, 
and found quite a crowd of little animals and 
birds waiting outside. The poor little Lizard, 
Bill, was in the middle, being held up by two 
guinea-pigs, who were giving it something out 
of a bottle. They all made a rush at Alice the 
moment she appeared ; but she ran off as hard 


THE RABBIT SENDS 


54 . 

as she could, and soon found herself safe in a 
thick wood. 

“ The first thing I ’ve got to do,” said Alice 
to herself, as she wandered about in the wood, 
“ is to grow to my right size again ; and the 
second thing is to find my way into that lovely 
garden. I think that will be the best plan.” 

It sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and 
very neatly and simply arranged : the only diffi- 
culty was, that she had not the smallest idea 
how to set about it ; and, while she was peering 
about anxiously among the trees, a little sharp 
bark just over her head made her look up in 
a great hurry. 

An enormous puppy was looking down at her 
with large round eyes, and feebly stretching out 
one paw, trying to touch her. “ Poor little thing ! ” 
said Aiice, in a coaxing tone, and she tried hard 
to - whistle to it ; but she was terribly frightened 
all the time at the thought that it might be 
hungry, in which case it would be very likely to 
eat her up in spite of all her coaxing. 


IN A LITTLE BILL. 


55 



Hardly knowing what she did, she picked up 
a little bit of stick, and held it out to the 
puppy : whereupon the puppy jumped into the 
air off all its feet at once, with a yelp of 



56 


THE RABBIT SENDS 


delight, and rushed at the stick, and made be- 
lieve to worry it : then Alice dodged behind a 
great thistle, to keep herself from being run 
over ; and. the moment she appeared on the 
other side, the puppy made another rush at the 
stick, and tumbled head over heels in its hurry 
to get hold of it : then Alice, thinking it was 
very like having a game of play with a cart- 
horse, and expecting every moment to be tram- 
pled under its feet, ran round the thistle again : 
then the puppy began a series of short charges 
at the stick, running a very little way forwards 
each time and a long way back, and barking 
hoarsely all the while, till at last it sat down 
a good way off, panting, with its tongue hang- 
ing out of its mouth, and its great eyes half 
shut. 

This seemed to Alice a good opportunity for 
making her escape : 30 she set off at once, and 
ran till she was quite tired and out of breath, 
and till the puppy’s bark sounded quite faint in 
the distance. 


IN A LITTLE BILL. 


57 


“ And yet what a dear little puppy it was ! ” 
said Alice, as she leant against a buttercup to 
rest herself, and fanned herself with one of the 
leaves. “ I should have liked teaching it tricks 
very much, if — if I’d only been the right size 
to do it ! Oh dear ! I ’d nearly forgotten that 
I ’ve got to grow up again ! Let me see — how 
is it to be managed ? I suppose I ought to eat 
or drink something or other ; but the great 
question is ‘ What ? ’ ” 

The great question certainly was “ What ? 
Alice looked all round her at the flowers and 
the blades of grass, but she could not see any- 
thing that looked like the right thing to eat 
or drink under the circumstances. There was. a 
large mushroom growing near her, about the 
same height as herself ; and, when she had looked 
under it, and on both sides of it, and behind it, 
it occurred to her that she might as well look 
and see what was on the top of it. 

She stretched herself up on tiptoe, and 
peeped over the edge of the mushroom,' and her 


58 


THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL. 


eyes immediately met those of a large blue 
caterpillar, that was sitting on the top, with its 
arms folded, quietly smoking a long hookah, and 
taking not the smallest notice of her or of any- 
thing else. 



CHAPTER V. 


ADVICE FR(3m A CATERPILLAR. 

The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each 
other for some time in silence : at last the 
Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth, 
and addressed her in a languid, sleepy voice. 


60 


ADVICE FROM A 


“ Who are you ? ” said the Caterpillar. 

This was not an encouraging opening for a 
conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, “ I — I 
hardly know, Sir, just at present — at least I 
know who I was when I got up this morning, 
but I think I must have been changed several 
times since then.” 

“ What do you mean by that ? ” said the 
Caterpillar, sternly. “ Explain yourself ! ” 

“ I ca’n’t explain myself ’ I ’m afraid, Sir,” said 
Alice, “because I’m not myself, you see.” 

“ I don’t see,” said the Caterpillar. 

“I’m afraid I ca’n’t put it more clearly,” 
Alice replied, very politely, “ for I ca’n’t under- 
stand it myself, to begin with ; and being so 
many different sizes in a day is very confusing.” 

“ It isn’t,” said the Caterpillar. 

“ Well, perhaps you haven’t found it so yet,” 
said Alice ; “ but when you have to turn into a 
chrysalis — you will some day, you know — and 
then after that into a butterfly, I should think 
you’ll feel it a little queer, wo’n’t you?” 


CATERPILLAR. 


61 


“Not a bit,” said the Caterpillar. 

“ Well, perhaps your feelings may be different,” 
Said Alice: “all I know is, it would feel very 
queer to me.” 

“ You ! ” said the Caterpillar contemptuously. 
“Who are you?” 

Which brought them back again to the be- 
ginning of the conversation. Alice felt a little 
irritated at the Caterpillar’s making such very 
short remarks, and she drew herself up and said, 
very gravely, “ I think you ought to tell me who 
you are, first.” 

“Why?” said the Caterpillar. 

Here was another puzzling question ; and, as 
Alice could not think of any good reason, and 
the Caterpillar seemed to be in a very un- 
pleasant state of mind, she turned away. 

“ Come back ! ” the Caterpillar called after her. 
“ I ’ve something important to say ! ” 

This sounded promising, certainly. Alice turned 
and came back again. 

“ Keep your temper,” said the Caterpillar. 


62 


ADVICE FROM A 


“ Is that all ? ” said Alice, swallowing down 
her anger as well as she could. 

“ No,” said the Caterpillar. 

Alice thought she might as well wait, as 
she had nothing else to do, and perhaps after 
all it might tell her something worth hearing. 
For some minutes it puffed away without speak- 
ing ; but at last it unfolded its arms, took the 
hookah out of its mouth again, and said “ So 
you think you re changed, do you ? ” 

“I’m afraid I am, Sir,” said Alice. “ I ca’n’t 
remember things as I used — and I don’t keep 
the same size for ten minutes together ! ” 

“ Ca’n’t remember what things ? ” said the 
Caterpillar. 

“Well, I’ve tried to say ‘ How doth the 
little busy bee,’ but it all came different ! ” 
Alice replied in a very melancholy voice. 

“ Eepeat ‘ You are old , Father William ’ ” 
said the Caterpillar. 

Alice folded her hands, and began : — 


CATERPILLAR. 


63 



“ You are old , Father William ,” the young man said , 
“ And your hair has become very white ; 

And yet you incessantly stand on your head — 

Do you think , at your age , it is right?” 

“ In my youth” Father William replied to his son, 

“ I feared it might injure the brain ; 

But, now that I } m perfectly sure I have none, 

Why, I do it again and again.” 


64 


ADVICE FROM A 



“ You are old,” said the youth, “ as I mentioned before, 
And have grown most uncommonly fat ; 

Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door — 
Pray, what is the reason of that ? ” 


“ In my youth,” said the sage, as he shook his grey locks, 
“I kept all my limbs very supple 
By the use of this ointment — one shilling the box — 
Allow me to sell you a couple 


CATERPILLAR. 


65 



“ You are old,” said the youth, “and your jaws are too weak 
For anything tougher than suet; 

Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak — 
Pray, how did you manage to do it ? ” 


“ In my youth ,” said his father, “ I took to the law , 
And argued each case with my wife ; 

And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw 
Has lasted the rest of my life ” 


F 


66 


ADVICE FROM A 



“ You are old” said the youth, “ one would hardly suppose 
That your eye was as steady as ever ; 

Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose — 
What made you so awfully clever ?” 

“ I have answered three questions, and that is enough,” 
Said his father. “ Don’t give yourself airs ! 

Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff ? 

Be off, or I’ll kick you down-stairs ! n 


CATERPILLAR. 


67 


“ That is not said right,” said the Caterpillar. 

“Not quite right, I ’m afraid,” said Alice, 
timidly : “ some of the words have got altered.” 

“It is wrong from beginning to end,” said the 
Caterpillar, decidedly ; and there was silence for 
some minutes. 

The Caterpillar was the first to speak. 

“ What size do you want to be ? ” it asked. 

“ Oh, I ’m not particular as to size,” Alice 
hastily replied; “only one doesn’t like changing 
so often, you know.” 

“ I don't know,” said the Caterpillar. 

Alice said nothing.: she had never been so 
much contradicted in all her life before, and she 
felt that she was losing her temper. 

“ Are you content now ? ” said the Caterpillar. 

“ Well, I should like to be a little larger, Sir, 
if you wouldn’t mind,” said Alice : “ three inches 
is such a wretched height to be.” 

“It is a very good height indeed ! ” said the 
Caterpillar angrily, rearing itself upright as it 
spoke (it was exactly three inches high). 

F 2 


68 


ADVICE FROM A 


“ But I ’m not used to it ! ” pleaded poor 
Alice in a piteous tone. And she thought to 
herself “ I wish the creatures wouldn’t be so 
easily offended ! ” 

“ You ’ll get used to it in time,” said the 
Caterpillar ; and it put the hookah into its 
mouth, and began smoking again. 

This time Alice waited patiently until it chose - 
to speak again. In a minute or two the Cater- 
pillar took the hookah out of its mouth, and yawned 
once or twice, and shook itself. Then it got down 
off the mushroom, and crawled away into the 
grass, merely remarking, as it went, “ One side will 
make you grow taller, and the other side will make 
you grow shorter.” 

“ One side of what ? The other side of 
what ? ” thought Alice to herself. 

“ Of the mushroom,” said the Caterpillar, just 
as if she had asked it aloud ; and in another 
moment it was out of sight. 

Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the 
mushroom for a minute, trying to make out 


CATERPILLAR. 


69 


which were the two sides of it ; and, as it was 
perfectly round, she found this a very difficult 
question. However, at last she stretched her 
arms round it as far as they would go, and 
broke off a bit of the edge with each hand. 

“ And now which is which ? ” she said to 
herself, and nibbled a little of the right-hand bit 
to try the effect. The next moment she felt a 
violent blow underneath her chin : it had struck 
her foot ! 

She was a good deal frightened by this very 
sudden change, but she felt that there was no 
time to be lost, as she was shrinking rapidly : 
so she set to work at once to eat some of the 
other bit. Her chin vras pressed so closely 
against her foot, that there was hardly room to 
open her mouth ; but she did it at last, and 
managed to swallow a morsel of the left-hand 
bit. 


70 


ADVICE FROM A 


“ Come, my head ’s free at last ! ” said Alice 
in a tone of delight, which changed into alarm 
in another moment, when she found that her 
shoulders were nowhere to be found : all she 
could see, when she looked down, was an im- 
mense length of neck, which seemed to rise 
like a stalk out of a sea of green leaves that lay 
far below her. 

“ What can all that green stuff be ? ” said Alice. 
“ And where have my shoulders got to ? And oh, 
my poor hands, how is it I ca’n’t see you ? ” She 
was moving them about, as she spoke, but no result 
seemed to follow, except a little shaking among 
the distant green leaves. 

As there seemed to be no chance of getting 
her hands up to her head, she tried to get her 
head down to them , and was delighted to find 
that her neck would bend about easily in any 
direction, like a serpent. She had just succeeded 
in curving it down into a graceful zigzag, and 
was going to dive in among the leaves, which 
she found to be nothing but the tops of the trees 


CATERPILLAR. 


71 


under which she had been wandering, when a 
sharp hiss made her draw back in a hurry : a 
large pigeon had flown into her face, and was 
beating her violently with its wings. 

“ Serpent ! ” screamed the Pigeon. 

“ I ’m not a serpent ! ” said Alice indignantly. 
“ Let me alone ! ” 

“ Serpent, I say again ! ” repeated the Pigeon, 
but in a more subdued tone, and added, with a 
kind of sob, “ I ’ve tried every way, but nothing 
seems to suit them ! ” 

“ I haven’t the least idea what you ’re talking 
about,” said Alice. 

“ I ’ve tried the roots of trees, and I ’ve tried 
banks, and I ’ve tried hedges,” the Pigeon went on, 
without attending to her ; “ but those serpents ! 
There ’s no pleasing them ! ” 

Alice was more and more puzzled, but she 
thought there was no use in saying anything 
more till the Pigeon had finished. 

“As if it wasn’t trouble enough hatching 
the eggs,” said the Pigeon ; “ but I must be on 


72 


ADVICE FROM A 


the look-out for serpents, night and day ! Why, 
I haven’t had a wink of sleep these three 
weeks ! ” 

“ I ’m very sorry you Ve been annoyed,” said 
Alice, who was beginning to see its meaning. 

“ And just as I ’d taken the highest tree in 
the wood,” continued the Pigeon, raising its 
voice to a shriek, “ and just as I was thinking 
I should be free of them at last, they must 
needs come wriggling down from the sky ! Ugh, 
Serpent ! ” 

“ But I ’m not a serpent, I tell you ! ” said Alice. 
“ I ’m a I ’m a ” 

“ Well ! What are you ? ” said the Pigeon. “ I 
can see you re trying to invent something ! ” 

“ I — I J m a little girl,” said Alice, rather 
doubtfully, as she remembered the number of 
changes she had gone through, that day. 

“ A likely story indeed ! ” said the Pigeon, in 
a tone of the deepest contempt. “ I Ve seen a 
good many little girls in my time, but never one 
with such a neck as that ! No, no ! You re a 


CATERPILLAR. 


73 


serpent ; and there ’s no use denying it. I sup- 
pose you’ll be telling me next that you never 
tasted an egg ! ” 

“ I have tasted eggs, certainly,” said Alice, 
who was a very truthful child ; “ but little girls 
eat eggs quite as much as serpents do, you 
know.” 

“ I don’t believe it,” said the Pigeon ; “ but if 

they do, why, then they ’re a kind of serpent : 
that’s all I can say.” 

This was such a new idea to Alice, that she 
was quite silent for a minute or two, which gave 
the Pigeon the opportunity of adding “ You ’re 
looking for eggs, I know that well enough ; and 
what does it matter to me whether you ’re a 
little girl or a serpent ? ” 

“ It matters a good deal to me,” said Alice 
hastily ; “ but I ’m not looking for eggs, as it 
happens ; and, if I was, I shouldn’t want yours : 
I don’t like them raw.” 

“ Well, be off, then ! ” said the Pigeon in a 
sulky tone, as it settled down again into its 


74 


ADVICE FROM A 


nest. Alice crouched down among the trees as 
well as she could, for her neck kept getting 
entangled among the branches, and every now 
and then she had to stop and untwist it. 
After a while she remembered that she still 
held the pieces of mushroom in her hands, and 
she set to work very carefully, nibbling first at 
one and then at the other, and growing some- 
times taller, and sometimes shorter, until she had 
succeeded in bringing herself down to her usual 
height. 

It was so long since she had been anything 
near the right size, that it felt quite strange 
at first ; but she got used to it in a few 
minutes, and began talking to herself, as usual, 
“ Come, there ’s half my plan done now ! How 
puzzling all these changes are ! I ’m never sure 
what I ’m going to be, from one minute to 
another ! However, I Ve got back to my right 
size : the next thing is, to get into that 
beautiful garden — how is that to be done, I 
wonder ? ” As she said this, she came suddenly 


CATERPILLAR, 


75 


upon an open place, with a little house in it about 
four feet high. “ Whoever lives there,” thought 
Alice, “ it ’ll never do to come upon them this 
size : why, I should frighten them out of their 
wits ! ” So she began nibbling at the right-hand 
bit again, and did not venture to go near the 
house till she had brought herself down to nine 
inches high. 


CHAPTEK VI. 


PIG AND PEPPER. 

For a minute or two she stood looking at 
the house, and wondering what to do next, 
when suddenly a footman in livery came run- 
ning out of the wood — (she considered him to 
be a footman because he was in livery : other- 
wise, judging by his face only, she would have 
called him a fish) — and rapped loudly at the door 
with his knuckles. It was opened by another 
footman in livery, with a round face, and large 
eyes like a frog ; and both footmen, Alice noticed, 
had powdered hair that curled all over their 
heads. She felt very curious to know what it 
was all about, and crept a little way out of the 
wood to listen. 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


77 



The Fish-Footman began by producing from 
under his arm a great letter, nearly as large 
as himself, and this he handed over to the 
other, saying, in a solemn tone, “For the 
Duchess. An invitation from the Queen to play 



78 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


croquet.’’ The Frog-Footman repeated, in the 
same solemn tone, only changing the order of 
the words a little, “ From the Queen. An invi- 
tation for the Duchess to play croquet.” 

Then they both bowed low, and their curls 
got entangled together. 

Alice laughed so much at this, that she had 
to run back into the wood for fear of their 
hearing her ; and, when she next peeped out, the 
Fish-Footman was gone, and the other was sitting 
on the ground near the door, staring stupidly up 
into the sky. 

Alice went timidly up to the door, and 
knocked. 

“There’s no sort of use in knocking,” said 
the Footman, “ and that for two reasons. First, 
because I ’m on the same side of the door as 
you are : secondly, because they’ re making such 
a noise inside, no one could possibly hear you.” 
And certainly there was a most extraordinary 
noise going on within — a constant howling and 
sneezing, and every now and then a great 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


79 


crash, as if a dish or kettle had been broken to 
pieces. 

“ Please, then,” said Alice, “ how am I to get in ? ” 

“ There might be some sense in your knock- 
ing,” the Footman went on, without attending 
to her, “ if we had the door between us. For 
instance, if you were inside , you might knock, 
and I could let you out, you know.” He was 
looking up into the sk;y all the time he was 
speaking, and this Alice thought decidedly un- 
civil. “ But perhaps he ca’n’t help it,” she said 
to herself ; “ his eyes are so very nearly at the 
top of his head. But at any rate he might 
answer questions. — How am I to get in ? ” she 
repeated, aloud. 

“ I shall sit here,” the Footman remarked, “ till 
to-morrow ” 

At this moment the door of the house 
opened, and a large plate came skimming out, 
straight at the Footman’s head : it just grazed 
his nose, and broke to pieces against one of the 
trees behind him. 


80 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


“ or next day, maybe,” tlie Footman con- 

tinued in the same tone, exactly as if nothing 
had happened. 

“ How am I to get in ? ” asked Alice again, 
in a louder tone. 

“ Are you to get in at all ? ” said the Foot- 
man. “ That’s the first question, you know.” 

It was, no doubt : only Alice did not like to 
be told so. “ It ’s really dreadful,” she muttered 
to herself, “ the way all the creatures argue. It ’s 
enough to drive one crazy ! ” 

The Footman seemed to think this a good 
opportunity for repeating his remark, with varia- 
tions. “ I shall sit here,” he said, “ on and off, 
for days and days.” 

“ But what am I to do ? ” said Alice. 

“ Anything you like,” said the Footman, and 
began whistling.' 

“ Oh, there ’s no use in talking to him,” said 
Alice desperately : “ he ’s perfectly idiotic ! ” And 
she opened the door and went in. 

The door led right into a large kitchen, 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


81 



which was full of smoke from one end to the 
other : the Duchess was sitting on a three-legged 
stool in the middle, nursing a baby : the cook 
was leaning over the fire, stirring a large cauldron 
which seemed to be full of soup. 

“There’s certainly too much pepper in that 
soup ! ” Alice said to herself, as well as she 
could for sneezing. 

G 


82 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


There was certainly too much of it in the 
air. Even the Duchess sneezed occasionally ; 
and as for the baby, it was sneezing and howl- 
ing alternately without a moment’s pause. The 
only two creatures in the kitchen, that did not 
sneeze, were the cook, and a large cat, which 
was lying on the hearth and grinning from ear 
to ear. 

“ Please would you tell me,” said Alice, a 
little timidly, for she was not quite sure whether 
it was good manners for her to speak first, “ why 
your cat grins like that?” 

“ It ’s a Cheshire-Cat,” said the Duchess, “ and 
that ’s why. Pig ! ” 

She said the last word with such sudden 
violence that Alice quite jumped ; but she ,saw 
in another moment that it was addressed to the 
baby, and not to her, so she took courage, and 
went on again : — 

“ I didn’t know that Cheshire-Cats always 
grinned ; in fact, I didn’t know that cats could 
grin.” 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


83 


“ They all can,” said the Duchess ; “ and 
most of 'em do.” 

“ I don't know of any that do,” Alice said 
very politely, feeling quite pleased to have got 
into a conversation. 

“You don’t know much,” said the Duchess; 
“ and that 's a fact.” 

Alice did not at all like the tone of this 
remark, and thought it would be as well to 
introduce some other subject of conversation. 
While she was trying to fix on one, the cook 
took the cauldron of soup off the fire, and at 
once set to work throwing everything within her 
reach at the Duchess and the baby — the fire- 
irons came first ; then followed a shower of sauce- 
pans, plates, and dishes. The Duchess took no 
notice of them even when they hit her ; and the 
baby was howling so much already, that it was 
quite impossible to say whether the blows hurt 
it or not. 

“ Oh, please mind what you 're doing ! ” cried 
Alice, jumping up and down in an agony of 
G 2 


84 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


terror. “ Oh, there goes his precious nose ! ”, as 
an unusually large saucepan flew close by it, and 
very nearly carried it off. 

“ If everybody minded their own business,” 
the Duchess said, in a hoarse growl, “ the world 
would go round a deal faster than it does.” 

“ Which would not be an advantage,” said 
Alice, who felt very glad to get an opportunity 
of showing off a little of her knowledge. 44 Just 
think what work it would make with the day 
and night ! You see the earth takes twenty-four 

hours to turn round on its axis ” 

“ Talking of axes,” said the Duchess, 44 chop 
off her head ! ” 

Alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook, to 
see if she meant to take the hint ; but the cook 
was busily stirring the soup, and seemed not to 
be listening, so she went on again : 4 4 Twenty-four 

hours, I think ; or is it twelve ? I ” 

44 Oh, don’t bother me ! ” said the Duchess. 44 1 
never could abide figures ! ” And with that she 
began nursing her child again, singing a sort of 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


85 


lullaby to it as she did so, and giving it a violent 
shake at the end of every line : — 

“ Speak roughly to your little hoy , 

And heat him when he sneezes: 

He only does it to annoy, 

Because he knows it teases” 

Chorus 

(in which the cook and the baby joined): — 

“ Wow ! wow ! wow ! ” 

While the Duchess sang the second verse of 
the song, she kept tossing the baby violently up 
and down, and the poor little thing howled so, 
that Alice could hardly hear the words : — 

"I speak severely to my hoy, 

I heat him when he sneezes ; 

For he can thoroughly enjoy 
The pepper when he pleases ! ” 

Chorus. 

“ Wow ! wow ! wow ! ” 


86 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


“ Here ! You may nurse it a bit, if you like ! ” 
the Duchess said to Alice, flinging the baby at 
her as she spoke. “ I must go and get ready to 
play croquet with the Queen,” and she hurried 
out of the room. The cook threw a frying-pan 
after her as she went, but it just missed her. 

Alice caught the baby with some difficulty, 
as it was a queer-shaped little creature, and held 
out its arms and legs in all directions, “just 
like a star-fish,” thought Alice. The poor little 
thing was snorting like a steam-engine when 
she caught it, and kept doubling itself up and 
straightening itself out again, so that altogether, 
for the first minute or two, it was as much as 
she could do to hold it. 

As soon as she had made out the proper way 
of nursing it (which was to twist it up into 
a sort of knot, and then keep tight hold of its 
right ear and left foot, so as to prevent its 
undoing itself), she carried it out into the open 
air. “ If I don’t take this child away with me,” 
thought Alice, “ they ’re sure to kill it in a day 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


87 


or two. Wouldn’t it be murder to leave it be- 
hind ?” She said the last words out loud, and 
the little thing grunted in reply (it had left off 
sneezing by this time). “ Don’t grunt,” said 
Alice ; “ that ’s not at all a proper way of ex- 
pressing yourself.” 

The baby grunted again, and Alice looked 
very anxiously into its face to see what was the 
matter with it. There could be no doubt that 
it had a very turn-up nose, much more like a 
snout than a real nose : also its eyes were 
getting extremely small for a baby : altogether 
Alice did not like the look of the thing at all. 
“But perhaps it was only sobbing,” she thought, 
and looked into its eyes again, to see if there 
were any tears. 

No, there were no tears. “ If you’re going to 
turn into a pig, my dear,” said Alice, seriously, 
“ I ’ll have nothing more to do with you. Mind 
now!” The poor little thing sobbed again (or 
grunted, it was impossible to say which), and 
they went on for some while in silence. 


88 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


Alice was just beginning to think to herself, 
4 4 Now, what am I to do with this creature, 
when I get it home?” when it grunted again, 

so violently, that she 
looked down into its 
face in some alarm. 
This time there could 
be no mistake about 
it : it was neither 
more nor less than 
a pig, and she felt 
that it would be 
quite absurd for her 
to carry it any fur- 
ther. 

So she set the 
little creature down, and felt quite relieved to 
see it trot away quietly into the wood. “ If 
it had grown up,” she said to herself, “ it would 
have made a dreadfully ugly child : but it makes 
rather a handsome pig, I think.” And she be- 
gan thinking over other children she knew, who 



PIG AND PEPPER. 


89 


might do very well as pigs, and was just say- 
ing to herself “ if one only knew the right way 

to change them ” when she was a little 

startled by seeing the Cheshire-Cat sitting on a 
bough of a tree a few yards off. 

The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice. 
It looked good-natured, she thought : still it had 
very long claws and a great many teeth, so she 
felt that it ought to be treated with respect. 

“ Cheshire-Puss,” she began, rather timidly, as 
she did not at all know whether it would like 
the name : however, it only grinned a little wider. 
“Come, it’s pleased so far,” thought Alice, and 
she went on. “ Would you tell me, please, which 
way I ought to go from here ? ” 

“ That depends a good deal on where you want 
to get to,” said the Cat. 

“ I don’t much care where ” said Alice. 

“ Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” 
said the Cat. 

“ so long as I get somewhere ,” Alice added 

as an explanation. 


90 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


“ Oh, you ’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, 
“ if you only walk long enough.” 

Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she 
tried another question. “ What sort of people 
live about here ? ” 

“ In that direction,” the Cat said, waving its 
right paw round, “ lives a Hatter : and in that 
direction,” waving the other paw, “ lives a March 
Hare. Visit either you like : they ’re both mad.” 

“ But I don’t want to go among mad people,” 
Alice remarked. 

“Oh, you ca’n’t help that,” said the Cat: 
“ we ’re all mad here. I ’m mad. You ’re mad.” 

“ How do you know I ’m mad ? ” said Alice. 

“ You must be,” said the Cat, “ or you 
wouldn’t have come here.” 

Alice didn’t think that proved it at all : 
however, she went on : “ And how do you know 
that you ’re mad ? ” 

“ To begin with,” said the Cat, “ a dog ’s not 
mad. You grant that?” 

“ I suppose so,” said Alice. 


PIG AND PEPPER. 



“ Well, then,” the Cat 
went on, “ you see a dog 
growls when it’s angry, 
and wags its tail when it ’s 
pleased. Now/growl when 
I ’m pleased, and wag my 
tail when I’m angry. There- 
fore I ’m mad.” 

“ I call it purring, not 
growling,” said Alice. 

“ Call ii what you like/’ 
said the Cat. “Do you 


croquet with the Queen to-day ? ” 


92 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


“ I should like it very much,” said Alice, “ but 
I haven’t been invited yet.” 

“ You ’ll see me there,” said the Cat, and 
vanished. 

Alice was not much surprised at this, she was 
getting so well used to queer things happening. 
While she was still looking at the place where it 
had been, it suddenly appeared again. 

“ By-the-bye, what became of the baby ? ” said 
the Cat. “ I ’d nearly forgotten to ask.” 

“ It turned into a pig,” Alice answered very 
quietly, just as if the Cat had come back in a 
natural way. 

“ I thought it would,” said* the Cat, and 
vanished again. 

Alice waited a little, half expecting to see it 
again, but it did not appear, and after a minute 
or two she walked on in the direction in which 
the March Hare was said to live. “ I ’ve seen 
hatters before,” she said to herself : “ the March 
Hare will be much the most interesting, and 
perhaps, as this is May, it wo’n’t be raving mad — 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


93 



at least not so mad as it was in March.” As she 
said this, she looked up, and there was the Cat 
again, sitting on a branch of a tree. 

“ Did you say ‘pig’, or ‘fig’ ?” said the Cat.' 
“ I said ‘ pig replied Alice ; “ and I wish you 
wouldn’t keep appearing and vanishing so sud- 
denly : you make one quite giddy ! ” 

“All right,” said the Cat ; and this time it 
vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end of 
the tail, and ending with the grin, which remained 
some time after the rest of it had gone. 



94 


PIG AND PEPPER. 


“ Well ! I Ve often seen a cat without a grin,” 
thought Alice ; “ but a grin without a cat ! 
It’s the most curious thing I ever saw in all 
my life ! ” 

She had not gone much farther before she 
came in sight of the house of the March Hare : 
she thought it must be the right house, because 
the chimneys were shaped like ears and the roof 
was thatched with fur. It was so large a house, 
that she did not like to go nearer till she had 
nibbled some more of the left-hand bit of mush- 
room, and raised herself to about two feet high : 
even then she walked up towards it rather 
timidly, saying to herself “ Suppose it should 
be raving mad after all ! I almost wish I ’d gone 
to see the Hatter instead ! ” 


CHAPTER VII. 


A MAD TEA-PARTY. 

There was a table set out under a tree in 
front of the house, and the March Hare and the 
Hatter were having tea at it : a Dormouse was 
sitting between them, fast asleep, and the other 
two were using it as a cushion, resting their 
elbows on it, and talking over its head. “ Very 
uncomfortable for the Dormouse,” thought Alice ; 
“ only as it ’s asleep, I suppose it doesn’t mind.” 

The table was a large one, but the three were 
all crowded together at one corner of it. “No 
room ! No room ! ” they cried out when they saw 
Alice coming. “ There’s plenty of room ! ” said 


96 


A MAD TEA-PARTY. 


Alice indignantly, and she sat down in a large 
arm-chair at one end of the table. 

“ Have some wine,” the March Hare said in 
an encouraging tone. 

Alice looked all round the table, but there was 
nothing on it but tea. “ I don’t see any wine,” 
she remarked. 

“ There isn’t any,” said the March Hare. 

“ Then it wasn’t very civil of you to offer it,” 
said Alice angrily. 

“ It wasn’t very civil of you to sit down 
without being invited,” said the March Hare. 

“ I didn’t know it was your table,” said 
Alice : “ it ’s laid for a great many more than 
three.” 

“ Your hair wants cutting,” said the Hatter. 
He had been looking at Alice for some time 
with great curiosity, and this was his first 
speech. 

“You should learn not to make personal 
remarks,” Alice said with some severity : “ it ’s 
very rude.” 


A MAD TEA-PARTY. 


97 



The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on 
hearing this ; but all he said was “ Why is a 
raven like a writing-desk ? ” 

“ Come, we shall have some fun now ! ” 
thought Alice. “I’m glad they've begun ask- 
ing riddles — I believe I can guess that," she 
added aloud. 

“Do you mean that you think you can find 
out the answer to it ? ” said the March Hare. 

“ Exactly so," said Alice. 

H 


98 


A MAD TEA-PARTY. 


“ Then you should say what you mean,” the 
March Hare went on. 

“ I do,” Alice hastily replied ; “ at least — at 
least I mean what I say — that’s the same thing, 
you know.” 

“ Not the same thing a bit ! ” said the Hatter. 
“ Why, you might just as well say that ‘I see 
what I eat ’ is the same thing as ‘ I eat what I 
see’!” 

“You might just as well say,” added the 
March Hare, “ that ‘ I like what I get ’ is the 
same thing as ‘ I get what I like ’ ! ” 

“ You might just as well say,” added the 
Dormouse, which seemed to be talking in its 
sleep, “ that ‘ I breathe when I sleep ’ is the same 
thing as ‘ I sleep when I breathe ’ ! ” 

“ It is the same thing with you,” said the 
Hatter, and here the conversation dropped, and 
the party sat silent for a minute, while Alice 
thought over all she could remember about 
ravens and writing-desks, which wasn’t much. 

The Hatter was the first to break the silence. 


A MAD TEA-PARTY. 


99 


' f W hat day of the month is it ? ” he said, turn- 
ing to Alice : he had taken his watch out of 
his pocket, and was looking at it uneasily, shak- 
ing it every now and then, and holding it to 
his ear. 

Alice considered a little, and then said “ The 
fourth.” 

“ Two days wrong ! ” sighed the Hatter. “ I 
told you butter wouldn’t suit the works ! ” he 
added, looking angrily at the March Hare. 

“ It was the best butter,” the March Hare 
meekly replied. 

“ Yes, but some crumbs must have got in 
as well,” the Hatter grumbled : “ you shouldn’t 
have put it in with the bread-knife.” 

The March Hare took the watch and looked 
at it gloomily : then he dipped it into his cup 
of tea, and looked at it again T but he could 
think of nothing better to say than his first 
remark, “ It was the best butter, you know.” 

Alice had been looking over his shoulder with 
some curiosity. “ What a funny watch ! ” she 
h 2 


L. of C 


100 


A MAD TEA-PARTY. 


remarked. “ It tells the day of the month, and 
doesn’t tell what o’clock it is ! ” 

“ Why should it ? ” muttered the Hatter. 
“ Does your watch tell you what year it is ? ” 

“ Of course not,” Alice replied very readily : 
“ but that ’s because it stays the same year for 
such a long time together.” 

“ Which is just the case with mine” said 
the Hatter. 

Alice felt dreadfully puzzled. The Hatter’s 
remark seemed to her to have no sort of meaning 
in it, and yet it was certainly English. “ I don’t 
quite understand you,” she said, as politely as she 
could. 

“ The Dormouse is asleep again,” said the Hat- 
ter, and he poured a little hot tea upon its nose. 

The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, 
and said, without opening its eyes, “ Of course, 
of course : just what I was going to remark 
myself.” 

“ Have you guessed the riddle yet ? ” the 
Hatter said, turning to Alice again. 


A MAD TEA-PARTY 


101 


“ No, I give it up,” Alice replied. “ What ’s 
the answer?” 

“ I haven’t the slightest idea,” said the 
Hatter. 

“ Nor I,” said the March Hare. 

Alice sighed wearily. “ I think you might 
do something better with the time,” she said, 
“than wasting it in asking riddles that have 
no answers.” 

“ If you knew Time as well as I do,” said 
the Hatter, “ you wouldn’t talk about wasting 
it. It ’s him .” 

“ I don’t know what you mean,” said Alice. 

“ Of course you don’t ! ” the Hatter said, 
tossing his head contemptuously. “ I dare say 
you never even spoke to Time ! ” 

“ Perhaps not,” Alice cautiously replied ; “ but 
I know I have to beat time when I learn 
music.” 

“Ah ! That accounts for it,” said the Hatter. 
“ He w T o’n’t stand beating. Now, if you only 
kept on good terms with him, he’d do almost 


102 


A MAD TEA-PARTY. 


anything you liked with the clock. For in- 
stance, suppose it were nine o’clock in the morn- 
ing, just time to begin lessons: you’d only have 
to whisper a hint to Time, and round goes the 
clock in a twinkling ! Half-past one, time for 
dinner ! ” 

(“I only wish it was,” the March Hare said 
to itself in a whisper.) 

“ That would be grand, certainly,” said Alice 
thoughtfully; “but then — I shouldn’t be hungry 
for it, you know.” 

“ Not at first, perhaps,” said the Hatter : “ but 
you could keep it to half-past one as long as 
you liked.” 

“ Is that the way you manage ? ” Alice 
asked. 

The Hatter shook his head mournfully. “Not 

I ! ” he replied. “We quarreled last March 

just before lie went mad, you know ” (point- 

ing with his teaspoon at the March Hare,) 

“ it was at the great concert given by the 

Queen of Hearts, and I had to sing 


A MAD TEA-PARTY. 


103 



‘ Twinkle , twinkle , little bat ! 

How I wonder wliat you * re at ! * 

You know the song, perhaps ? ” 

“I’ve heard something like it,” said Alice. 
“•It goes on, you know,” the Hatter continued, 
“ in this way : — 

‘ Up above the world yon fly , 

Like a tea-tray in the sky. 

Twinkle , twinkle 

Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began 


104 


A MAD TEA-PARTY. 


singing in its sleep “ Twinkle , twinkle , twinkle , 

twinkle ” and went on so long that they had 

to pinch it to make it stop. 

“ Well, I ’d hardly finished the first verse,” 
said the Hatter, “ when the Queen bawled out 
‘ He’s murdering the time ! Off with his head ! ’ ” 

“ How dreadfully savage ! ” exclaimed Alice. 

“ And ever since that,” the Hatter went on 
in a mournful tone, “ he won’t do a thing I ask ! 
It’s always six o’clock now.” 

A bright idea came into Alice’s head. “ Is 
that the reason so many tea-things are put out 
here ? ” she asked. 

“ Yes, that ’s it,” said the Hatter with a sigh : 
“ it ’s always tea-time, and we ’ve no time to 
wash the things between whiles.” 

“ Then you keep moving round, I suppose ? ” 
said Alice. 

“ Exactly so,” said the Hatter : “as the things 
get used up.” 

“But what happens when you come to the 
beginning again?” Alice ventured to ask. 


A MAD TEA-PARTY. 


105 


“ Suppose we change the subject,” the March 
Hare interrupted, yawning. “ I ’m getting tired 
of this. I vote the young lady tells us a story.” 

“I’m afraid I don’t know one,” said Alice, 
rather alarmed at the proposal. 

“ Then the Dormouse shall ! ” they both cried. 
“ Wake up, Dormouse ! ” And they pinched it on 
both sides at once. 

The Dormouse slowly opened its eyes. “ I 
wasn’t asleep,” it said in a hoarse, feeble voice, 
“ I heard every word you fellows were saying.” 

“ Tell us a story ! ” said the March Hare. 

“ Yes, please do ! ” pleaded Alice. 

“And be quick about it,” added the Hatter, 
“or you’ll be asleep again before it’s done.” 

“ Once upon a time there were three little 
sisters,” the Dormouse began in a great hurry ; 
“ and their names were Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie ; 
and they lived at the bottom of a well ” 

“ What did they live on ? ” said Alice, who 
always took a great interest in questions of 
eating and drinking. 


106 


A MAD TEA-PARTY. 


“ They lived on treacle,” said the Dormouse, 
after thinking a minute or two. 

“They couldn’t have done that, you know,” 
Alice gently remarked. “ They ’d have been ill.” 

“ So they were,” said the Dormouse ; “very ill.” 

Alice tried a little to fancy to herself what 
such an extraordinary way of living would be 
like, but it puzzled her too much : so she went 
on : “ But why did they live at the bottom of 
a well ? ” 

“ Take some more tea,” the March Hare said 
to Alice, very earnestly. 

“ I ’ve had nothing yet,” Alice replied in an 
offended tone : “so I can’t take more.” 

“ You mean you ca’n’t take less ,” said the 
Hatter : “ it ’s very easy to take more than 
nothing.” 

“Nobody asked your opinion,” said Alice. 

“ Who ’s making personal remarks now ? ” the 
Hatter asked triumphantly. 

Alice did not quite know what to say to 
this : so she helped herself to some tea and 


A MAD TEA-PARTY. 


107 


bread-and-butter, and then turned to the Dor- 
mouse, and repeated her question. “Why did 
they live at the bottom of a well ? ” 

The Dormouse again took a minute or two 
to think about it, and then said “ It was a 
treacle-well.” 

“ There ’s no such thing ! ” Alice was begin- 
ning very angrily, but the Hatter and the March 
Hare went “ Sh ! Sh ! ” and the Dormouse sulkily 
remarked “ If you ca’n’t be civil, you ’d better 
finish the story for yourself.” 

“ No, please go on ! ” Alice said very humbly. 
“ I wo’n’t interrupt you again. I dare say there 
may be one.” 

“ One, indeed ! ” said the Dormouse indig- 
nantly. However, he consented to go on. “ And 
so these three little sisters — they were learning 
to draw, you know ” 

“ What did they draw ? ” said Alice, quite 
forgetting her promise. 

“Treacle,” said the Dormouse, without consi- 
dering at all, this time. 


108 


A MAD TEA-PARTY. 


“ I want a clean cup / 5 interrupted the Hatter : 
“let’s all move one place on.” 

He moved on as he spoke, and the Dormouse 
followed him : the March Hare moved into the 
Dormouse’s place, and Alice rather unwillingly 
took the place of the March Hare. The Hatter 
was the only one who got any advantage from 
the change ; and Alice was a good deal worse off 
than before, as the March Hare had just upset 
the milk -jug into his plate. 

Alice did not wish to offend the Dormouse 
again, so she began very cautiously : “ But I 
don’t understand. Where did they draw the 
treacle from ? ” 

“You can draw water out of a water- well,” 
said the Hatter ; “so I should think you could 
draw treacle out of a treacle-well — eh, stupid ? ” 

“ But they were in the well,” Alice said to 
the Dormouse, not choosing to notice this last 
remark. 

“ Of course they were,” said the Dormouse : 
“ well in.” 


A MAD TEA-PARTY 


109 


This answer so confused poor Alice, that she 
let the Dormouse go on for some time without 
interrupting it. 

“They were learning to draw,” the Dormouse 
went on, yawning and rubbing its eyes, for .it 
was getting very sleepy ; “ and they drew all 
manner of things — everything that begins with 
an M ” 

“ Why with an M ? ” said Alice. 

“Why not ? ” said the March Hare. 

Alice was silent. 

The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this 
time, and was going off into a doze ; but, on 
being pinched by the Hatter, it woke up again 

with a little shriek, and went on : “ that 

begins with an M, such as mouse-traps, and the 
moon, and memory, and muchness — you know 
you say things are ‘ much of a muchness ’ — did 
you ever see such a thing as a drawing of a 
muchness ! ” 

“Really, now you ask me,” said Alice, very 
much confused, “ I don’t think ” 


110 


A MAD TEA-PARTY. 


“ Then you shouldn’t talk,” said the Hatter. 

This piece of rudeness was more than Alice 
could bear : she got up in great disgust, and 
walked off : the Dormouse fell asleep instantly, 
and neither of the others took the least notice 



of her going, though she looked back once or 
twice, half hoping that they would call after her : 
the last time she saw them, they were trying to 
put the Dormouse into the teapot. 

“ At any rate I ’ll never go there again ! ” said 


A MAD TEA-PARTY. 


Ill 


Alice, as she picked her way through the wood. 
“It’s the stupidest tea-party I ever was at in 
all my life ! ” 

Just as she said this, she noticed that one 
of the trees had a door leading right into it. 
“ That ’s very curious ! ” she thought. “ But every- 
thing’s curious to-day. I think I may as well 
go in at once.” And in she went. 

Once more she found herself in the long hall, 
and close to the little glass table. “ Now, I ’ll 
manage better this time,” she said to herself, 
and began by taking the little golden key, and 
unlocking the door that led into the garden. 
Then she set to work nibbling at the mushroom 
(she had kept a piece of it in her pocket) till 
she was about a foot high : then she . walked 
down the little passage : and then — she found 
herself at last in the beautiful garden, among 
the bright flower-beds and the cool fountains. 


CHAPTER VIII. 


THE QUEEN’S CROQUET GROUND. 

A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of 
the garden : the roses growing on it were white, 
but there were three gardeners at it*, busily 
painting them red. Alice thought this a very 
curious thing, and she went nearer to watch 
them, and, just as she came up to them, she 
heard one of them say “ Look out now, Five ! 
Don’t go splashing paint over me like that ! ” 

“ I couldn’t help it,” said Five, in a sulky 
tone. “ Seven jogged my elbow.” 

On which Seven looked up and said “That’s 
right, Five ! Always lay the blame on others ! ” 


THE QUEEN’S CROQUET-GROUND. 113 

“ You ’ d better not talk ! ” said Five. “ I beard 
the Queen say only yesterday you deserved to be 
beheaded.” 

“ What for ? ” 
said the one who 
had spoken first. 

“ That ’s none 
of your business, 

Two ! ” said Seven. 

“Yes, it is his 
business ! ” said 
Five. “ And I ’ll 
tell him — it was 
for bringing the 
cook tulip-roots in- 
stead of onions.” 

Seven flung 
down his brush, and had just begun “Well, of 
all the unjust things — ” when his eye chanced 
to fall upon Alice, as she stood watching them, 
and he checked himself suddenly : the others 
looked round also, and all of them bowed low. 

I 




) 


114 


THE QUEENS 


“ Would you tell me, please,” said Alice, 
a little timidly, “why you are painting those 
roses ? ’ 

Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at 
Two. Two began, in a low voice, “ Why, the 
fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to have 
been a red rose-tree, and we put a white one 
in by mistake ; and, if the Queen was to find it 
out, we should all have our heads cut off, you 
know. So you see, Miss, we’re doing our best, 
afore she comes, to — ” At this moment, Five, 
who had been anxiously looking across the 
garden, called out “ The Queen ! The Queen ! ”, 
and the three gardeners instantly threw them- 
selves flat upon their faces. There was a sound 
of many footsteps, and Alice looked round, eager 
to see the Queen. 

First came ten soldiers carrying clubs : these 
were 'all shaped like the three gardeners, oblong 
and flat, with their hands and feet at the corners : 
next the ten courtiers : these were ornamented 
all over with diamonds, and walked two and 


CROQUET-GROUND. 


115 


two, as the soldiers did. After these came the 
royal children : there were ten of them, and 
the little dears came jumping merrily along, 
hand in hand, in couples : they were all orna- 
mented with hearts. Next came the guests, 
mostly Kings and Queens, and among them 
Alice recognised the White Rabbit : it was talk- 
ing in a hurried nervous manner, smiling at 
everything that was said, and went by without 
noticing her. Then followed the Knave of 
Hearts, carrying the King’s crown on a crimson 
velvet cushion ; and, last of all this grand pro- 
cession, came THE KING AND THE QUEEN 
OF HEARTS. 

Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought 
not to lie down on her face like the three 
gardeners, but she could not remember ever 
having "heard of such a rule at processions ; “ and 
besides, what would be the use of a procession,” 
thought she, “ if people had all to lie down on 
their faces, so that they couldn’t see it?” So 
she stood where she was, and waited. 

I 2 


116 


THE QUEEN’S 


When the procession came opposite to Alice, 
they all stopped and looked at her, and the 
Queen said, severely, “ Who is this ? ”. She said 
it to the Knave of Hearts, who only bowed and 
smiled in reply. 

“ Idiot ! ” said the Queen, tossing her head 
impatiently ; and, turning to Alice, she went on : 
“ What ’s your name, child ? ” 

“My name is Alice, so please your Majesty,” 
said Alice very politely ; but she added, to her- 
self, “ Why, they ’re only a pack of cards, after 
all. I needn’t be afraid of them ! ” 

“And who are these f” said the Queen, point- 
ing to the three gardeners who were lying 
round the rose-tree ; for, you see, as they were 
lying on their faces, and the pattern on their 
backs was the same as the rest of the pack, 
she could not tell whether they were gardeners, 
or soldiers, or courtiers, or three of her own 
children. 

“ How should I know ? ” said Alice, surprised 
at her own courage. “ It ’s no business of mine 


CROQUET-GROUND. 


117 



The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, 
after glaring at her for a moment like a wild 
beast, began screaming “ Off with her head ! 
Off with ” 


118 


THE QUEEN'S 


“ Nonsense ! ” said Alice, very loudly and 
decidedly, and the Queen was silent. 

The King laid his hand upon her arm, and 
timidly said “ Consider, my dear : she is only 
a child ! ” 

The Queen turned angrily aw T ay from him, 
and said to the Knave “ Turn them over ! ” 

The Knave did so, very carefully, with one foot. 
“ Get up ! ” said the Queen in a shrill, loud 
voice, and the three gardeners instantly jumped 
up, and began bowing to the King, the Queen, 
the royal children, and everybody else. 

“ Leave off that ! ” screamed the Queen. “ You 
make me giddy.” And then, turning to the 
rose-tree, she went on “What have you been 
doing here ? ” 

“May it please your Majesty,” said Two, in 
a very humble tone, going down on one knee 
as he spoke, “we were trying — ” 

“/ see!” said the Queen, who had mean- 
while been examining the roses. “ Off with 
their heads ! ” and the procession moved on, 


CROQUET-GROUND. 


119 


three of the soldiers remaining behind to execute 
the unfortunate gardeners, who ran to Alice for 
protection. 

“ You shan’t be beheaded ! ” said Alice, and 
she put them into a large flower-pot that stood 
near. The three soldiers wandered about for a 
minute or two, looking for them, and then quietly 
marched off after the others. 

“ Are their heads off?” shouted the Queen. 

“ Their heads are gone, if it please your 
Majesty!” the soldiers shouted in reply. 

“ That ’s right ! ” shouted the Queen. “ Can 
you play croquet?” 

The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, 
as the question was evidently meant for her. 

“ Yes ! ” shouted Alice. 

“ Come on, then ! ” roared the Queen, and Alice 
joined the procession, wondering very much what 
would happen next. 

“ It ’s — it ’s a very fine day ! ” said a timid 
voice at her side. She was walking by the White 
Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously into her face. 


120 


THE QUEEN’S 


“ Very,” said Alice. “ Where’s the Duchess ? ” 
“ Hush ! Hush ! ” said the Rabbit in a low 
hurried tone. He looked anxiously over his 
shoulder as he spoke, and then raised himself 
upon tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, 
and whispered “ She ’s under sentence of execu- 
tion.” 

“ What for ? ” said Alice. 

“ Did you say ‘ What a pity ! ’ ? ” the Rabbit 
asked. 

“ No, I didn’t,” said Alice. “ I don’t think it ’s 
at all a pity. I said ‘ What for ? ’ ” 

“ She boxed the Queen’s ears — ” the Rabbit 
began. Alice gave a little scream of laughter. 
“ Oh, hush ! ” the Rabbit whispered in a frightened 
tone. “ The Queen will hear you ! You see she 
came rather late, and the Queen said — ” 

“ Get to your places ! ” shouted the Queen in 
a voice of thunder, and people began running 
about in all directions, tumbling up against each 
other : however, they got settled down in a minute 
or two, and the game began. 


CROQUET-GROUND. 


121 



Alice thought she had never seen such a 
curious croquet-ground in her life : it was all 
ridges and furrows : the croquet balls were live 
hedgehogs, and the mallets live flamingoes, and 
the soldiers had to 
double themselves up 
and stand on their 
hands and feet, to 
make the arches. 

The chief diffi- 
culty Alice found at 
first was in managing 
her flamingo : she 
succeeded in getting 
its body tucked away, 
comfortably enough, 
under her arm, with 
its legs hanging down, but generally, just as she 
had got its neck nicely straightened out, and 
was going to give the hedgehog a blow with 
its head, it would twist itself round and look 
up in her face, with such a puzzled expres- 


122 


THE QUEEN’S 


sion that she could not help bursting out laugh- 
ing ; and, when she had got its head down, and 
was going to begin again, it was very provoking 
to find that the hedgehog had unrolled itself, 
and was in the act of crawling away : besides 
all this, there was • generally a ridge or a furrow 
in the way wherever she wanted to send the 
hedgehog to, and, as the doubled-up soldiers were 
always getting up and walking off to other parts 
of the ground, Alice soon came to the conclusion 
that it was a very difficult game indeed. 

The players all played at once, without wait- 
ing for turns, quarreling all the while, and 
fighting for the hedgehogs ; and in a very short 
time the Queen was in a furious passion, and 
went stamping about, and shouting “ Off with 
his head ! ” or “ Off with her head ! ” about once 
in a minute. 

Alice began to feel very uneasy : to be sure, 
she had not as yet had any dispute with the 
Queen, but she knew that it might happen any 
minute, “and then,” thought she, “what would 


CROQUET-GROUND. 


123 


become of me ? They’ re dreadfully fond of 
beheading people here : the great wonder is, 
that there ’s any one left alive ! ” 

She was looking about for some way of 
escape, and wondering whether she could get 
away without being seen, when she noticed a 
curious appearance in the air : it puzzled her 
very much at first, but after watching it a 
minute or two she made it out to be a grin, 
and she said to herself “ It ’s the Cheshire-Cat : 
now I shall have somebody to talk to.” 

“How are you getting on?” said the Cat, 
as soon as there was mouth enough for it to 
speak with. 

Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then 
nodded. “ It ’s no use speaking to it,” she 
thought, “till its ears have come, or at least 
one of them.” In another minute the whole 
head appeared, and then Alice put down her 
flamingo, and began an account of the game, 
feeling very glad she had some one to listen to 
her. The Cat seemed to think that there was 


124 THE QUEEN’S 

enough of it now in sight, and no more of it 
appeared. 

“ I don’t think they play at all fairly,” Alice 
began, in rather a complaining tone, “and they 
all quarrel so dreadfully one ca’n’t hear oneself 
speak — and they don’t seem to have any rules 
in particular : at least, if there are, nobody 
attends to them — and you’ve no idea how con- 
fusing it is all the things being alive : for in- 
stance, there ’s the arch I ’ve got to go through 
next walking about at the other end of the 
ground — and I should have croqueted the 
Queen’s hedgehog just now, only it ran away 
when it saw mine coming ! ” 

“ How do you like the Queen ? ” said the Cat 
in a low voice. 

“ Not at all,” said Alice : “ she ’s so ex- 

tremely — ■” Just then she noticed that the 
Queen was close behind her, listening : so she 
went on “ — likely to win, that it ’s hardly worth 
while finishing the game.” 

The Queen smiled and passed on. 


CROQUET-GROUND. 


125 


“ Who are you talking to ? ” said the King, 
coming up to Alice, and looking at the Cat’s 
head with great curiosity. 

“It’s a friend of mine — a Cheshire-Cat,” said 
Alice : “ allow me to introduce it.” 

“ I don ’t like the look of it at all,” said the 
King : “ however, it may kiss my hand, if it 
likes.” 

“ I ’d rather not,” the Cat remarked. 

“Don’t be impertinent,” said the King, and 
don’t look at me like that ! ” He got behind 
Alice as he spoke. 

“ A cat may look at a king,” said Alice. “ I ’ve 
read that in some book, but I don’t remember 
where.” 

“ Well, it must be removed,” said the King 
very decidedly ; and he called to the Queen, who 
was passing at the moment, “ My dear ! I wish 
you would have this cat removed ! ” 

The Queen had only one way of settling all 
difficulties, great or small. “ Off with his head ! ” 
she said without even looking round. 


126 


THE QUEEN'S 


“ 1 11 fetch the executioner myself,” said the 
King eagerly, and he hurried off. 

Alice thought she might as well go back and 
see how the game was going on, as she heard 
the Queen’s voice in the distance, screaming 
with passion. She had already heard her sen- 
tence three of the players to be executed for 
having missed their turns, and she did not like 
the look of things at all, as the game was in 
such confusion that she never knew whether it 
was her turn or not. So she went off in search 
of her hedgehog. 

The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with 
another hedgehog, which seemed to Alice an ex- 
cellent opportunity for croqueting one of them 
with the other : the only difficulty was, that her 
flamingo was gone across to the other side of 
the garden, where Alice could see it trying in a 
helpless sort of way to fly up into a tree. 

By the time she had caught the flamingo 
and brought it back, the fight was over, and 
both the hedgehogs were out of sight : “ but it 


CROQUET-GROUND. 


127 


doesn't matter much/' thought Alice, “as all the 
arches are gone from this side of the ground.” 
So she tucked it away under her arm, that it 
might not escape again, and went back to have 
a little more conversation with her friend. 

When she got back to the Cheshire-Cat, she 
was surprised to find quite a large crowd col- 
lected round it : there was a dispute going on 
between the executioner, the King, and the 
Queen, who were all talking at once, while all 
the rest were quite silent, and looked very 
uncomfortable. 

The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed 
to by all three to settle the question, and they 
repeated their arguments to her, though, as they 
all spoke at once, she found it very hard to 
make out exactly what they said. 

The executioners argument was, that you 
couldn't cut off a head unless there was a body 
to cut it off from : that he had never had to 
do such a thing before, and he wasn't going to 
begin at his time of life. 


128 


THE QUEENS 



The King’s argument was that anything that 
had a head could be beheaded, and that you 
weren’t to talk nonsense. 

The Queen’s argument was that, if some- 
thing wasn ’t done about it in less than no time, 
she’d have everybody executed, all round. (It 



CROQUET-GROUND. 


129 


was this last remark that had made the whole 
party look so grave and anxious.) 

Alice could think of nothing else to say but 
“ It belongs to the Duchess : you ’d better ask 
her about it.” 

“ She ’s in prison,” the Queen said to the 
executioner : “ fetch her here.” And the execu- 
tioner went off like an arrow. 

The Cat’s head began fading away the moment 
he was gone, and, by the time he had come back 
with the Duchess, it had entirely disappeared : so 
the King and the executioner ran wildly up and 
down, looking for it, while the rest of the party 
went back to the game. 


K 


CHAPTER IX. 


THE MOCK TURTLE’S STORY. 

“You ca’n’t think how glad I am to see you 
again, you dear old thing ! ” said the Duchess, as 
she tucked her arm affectionately into Alice’s, and 
they walked off together. 

Alic6 was very glad to find her in such a 
pleasant temper, and thought to herself that 
perhaps it was only the pepper that had made 
her so savage when they met in the kitchen. 

“ When I'm a Duchess,” she said to herself (not 
in a very hopeful tone, though), “ I wo’n’t have 
any pepper in my kitchen at all. Soup does 
very well without — Maybe it ’s always pepper 


THE MOCK TURTLE’S STORY. 


131 


that makes people hot-tempered,” she went on, 
very much pleased at having found out a new 
kind of rule, “ and vinegar that makes them 
sour — and camomile that makes them bitter — 
and — and barley-sugar and such things that 
make children sweet-tempered. I only wish 
people knew that : then they wouldn’t be so 
stingy about it, you know ” 

She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this 
time, and was a little startled when she heard 
her voice close to her ear. “You ’re thinking 
about something, my dear, and that makes you 
forget to talk. I ca’n’t tell you just now wliat 
the moral of that is, but I shall remember it 
in a bit.” 

“ Perhaps it hasn’t one,” Alice ventured to 
remark. 

“Tut, tut, child ! ” said the Duchess. “ Every 
thing ’s got a moral, if only you can find it.” 
And she squeezed herself up closer to Alice’s 
side as she spoke. 

Alice did not much like her keeping so close 
K 2 


132 


THE MOCK 


to her : first, because the Duchess was very 
ugly ; and secondly, because she was exactly the 

right height to 
rest her chin on 
Alice’s shoulder, 
and it was an un- 
comfortably sharp 
chin. However, 
she did not like 
to be rude : so she 
bore it as well as 
she could. 

“ The game’s 
going on rather 
better now,” she 
said, by way of 
keeping up the conversation a little. 

“ ’Tis so,” said the Duchess : “ and the moral 
of that is — ‘ Oh, ’tis love, ’tis love, that makes 
the world go round ! ’ ” 

“ Somebody said,” Alice whispered, “ that it ’s 
done by everybody minding their own business ! ” 



turtle’s story. 


133 


“ Ah, well ! It means much the same thing,” 
said the Duchess, digging her sharp little chin 
into Alice’s shoulder as she added “ and the 
moral of that is — ‘ Take care of the sense, and 
the sounds will take care of themselves.’ ” 

“ How fond she is of finding morals in 
things ! ” Alice thought to herself. 

“ I dare say you ’re wondering why I don’t 
put my arm round your waist,” the Duchess said, 
after a pause : “ the reason is, that I ’m doubt- 
ful about the temper of your flamingo. Shall 
I try the experiment ? ” 

“ He might bite,” Alice cautiously replied, 
not feeling at all anxious to have the experi- 
ment tried. 

“ Very true,” said the Duchess : “ flamingoes 
and mustard both bite. And the moral of that 
is — ‘ Birds of a feather flock together.’ ” 

“ Only mustard isn’t a bird,” Alice remarked. 
“ Right, as usual,” said the Duchess : “ what 
a clear way you, have of putting things ! ” 

“ It ’s a mineral, I think” said Alice. 


134 


THE MOCK 


“ Of course it is,” said the Duchess, who 
seemed ready to agree to everything that Alice 
said : “ there ’s a large mustard-mine near here. 
And the moral of that is — ‘The more there is 
of mine, the less there is of yours.’ ” 

“ Oh, I know ! ” exclaimed Alice, who had 
not attended to this last remark. “ It ’s a vege- 
table. It doesn’t look like one, but it is.” 

“ I quite agree with you,” said the Duchess ; 
“ and the moral of that is — ‘ Be what you would 
seem to be ’ — or, if you ’d like it put more 
simply — ‘Never imagine yourself not to be 
otherwise than what it might appear to others 
that what you were or might have been was 
not otherwise than what you had been would 
have appeared to them to be otherwise.’ ” 

“ I think I should understand that better,” 
Alice said very politely, “if I had it written 
down : but I ca’n’t quite follow it as you say 
it.” 

“ That ’s nothing to what I could say if I 
chose,” the Duchess replied, in a pleased tone. 


turtle’s story. 


135 


“ Pray don’t trouble yourself to say it any 
longer than that,” said Alice. 

“ Oh, don’t talk about trouble ! ” said the 
Duchess. “ I make you a present of every- 
thing I’ve said as yet.” 

“ A cheap sort of present ! ” thought Alice. 
“I’m glad people don’t give birthday -presents 
like that ! ” But she did not venture to say it 
out loud. 

“ Thinking again ? ” the Duchess asked, with 
another dig of her sharp little chin. 

“ I ’ve a right to think,” said Alice sharply, 
for she was beginning to feel a little worried. 

“ Just about as much right,” said the Duchess, 
“ as pigs have to fly ; and the m ” 

But • here, to Alice’s great surprise, the 
Duchess’s voice died away, even in the middle 
of her favourite word 4 moral,’ and the arm 
that was linked into hers began to tremble. 
Alice looked up, and there stood the Queen in 
front of them, with her arms folded, frowning 
like a thunderstorm. 


136 


THE MOCK 


“A fine day, your Majesty ! ” tlie Duchess 
began in a low, weak voice. 

“ Now, I give you fair warning,” shouted the 
Queen, stamping on the ground as she spoke; 
“ either you or your head must be off, and that 
in about half no time ! Take your choice ! ” 

The Duchess took her choice, and was gone 
in a moment. 

“ Let ’s go on with the game,” the Queen 
said to Alice ; and Alice was too much frightened 
to say a word, but slowly followed her back to 
the croquet-ground. 

The other guests had taken advantage of 
the Queen’s absence, and were resting in the 
shade : however, the moment they saw her, they 
hurried back to the game, the Queen merely 
remarking that a moment’s delay would cost 
them their lives. 

All the time they were playing the Queen 
never left off quarreling with the other players, 
and shouting “ Off with his head ! ” or “ Off 
with her head!” Those whom she sentenced 


turtle’s story. 


137 


were taken into custody by the soldiers, wbo 
of course bad to leave off being arcbes to do tbis, 
so that, by the end of half an hour or so, there 
were no arches left, and all the players, except 
the King, the Queen, and Alice, were in custody 
and under sentence of execution. 

Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, and 
said to Alice “Have you seen the Mock Turtle 
yet?’ 

“ No,” said Alice. “ I don’t even know what 
a Mock Turtle is.” 

“It’s the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made 
from,” said the Queen. 

“ I never saw one, or heard of one,” said Alice. 

“ Come on, then,” said the Queen, “ and he 
shall tell you his history.” 

As they walked off together, Alice heard the 
King say in a low voice, to the company gene- 
rally, “ You are all pardoned.” “ Come, that ’s a 
good thing ! ” she said to herself, for she had felt 
quite unhappy at the number of executions the 
Queen had ordered. 


138 


THE MOCK 



They very soon came upon a Gryphon, lying 
fast asleep in the sun. (If you don’t know what 
a Gryphon is, look at the picture.) “Up, lazy 
thing ! ” said the Queen, 4 4 and take this young 
lady to see the Mock Turtle, and to hear his 
history. I must go back and see after some 
executions I have ordered ; ” and she walked off, 
leaving Alice alone with the Gryphon. Alice 
did not quite like the look of the creature, but 
on the whole she thought it would be quite as 


turtle's story. 


139 


safe to stay with it as to go after that savage 
Queen : so she waited. 

The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes : then 
it watched the Queen till she was out of sight : 
then it chuckled. “ What fun ! ” said the 
Gryphon, half to itself, half to Alice. 

“ What is the fun ? ” said Alice. 

“Why, she ” said the Gryphon. “It’s all her 
fancy, that : they never executes nobody, you 
know. Come on ! ” 

“ Everybody says ‘ come on ! 1 here,” thought 
Alice, as she went slowly after it : “I never was 
so ordered about before, in all my life, never ! ” 

They had not gone far before they saw the 
Mock Turtle in the distance, sitting sad and 
lonely on a little ledge of rock, and, as they 
came nearer, Alice could hear him sighing as 
if his heart would break. She pitied him deeply. 
“ What is his sorrow ? ” she asked the Gryphon. 
And the Gryphon answered, very nearly in the 
same words as before, “ It ’s all his fancy, that : 
he hasn’t got no sorrow, you know. Come on ! ” 


140 


THE MOCK 


So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked 
at them with large eyes full of tears, but said 
nothing. 

“ This here young lady,” said the Gryphon, 
“she wants for to know your history, she do.” 

“ I ’ll tell it her,” said the Mock Turtle in a 
deep, hollow tone. “ Sit down, both of you, and 
don’t speak a word till I’ve finished.” 

So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some 
minutes. Alice thought to herself “ I don’t see 
how he can ever finish, if he doesn’t begin.” But 
she waited patiently. 

“ Once,” said the Mock Turtle at last, with a 
deep sigh, “ I was a real Turtle.” 

These words were followed by a very long 
silence, broken only by an occasional exclamation 
of “ Hjckrrh ! ” from the Gryphon, and the con- 
stant heavy sobbing of the Mock Turtle. Alice 
was very nearly getting up and saying “Thank 
you, Sir, for your interesting story,” but she could 
not help thinking there must be more to come, so 
she sat still and said nothing. 


TURTLE S STORY 


141 



“ When we were little,” the Mock Turtle 
went on at last, more calmly, though still sob- 
bing a little now and then, “we went to school 


142 


THE MOCK 


in the sea. The master was an old Turtle — we 

used to call him Tortoise ” 

“ Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn’t 
one ? ” Alice asked. 

“We called him Tortoise because he taught 
us,” said the Mock Turtle angrily. “ Keally you 
are very dull ! ” 

“You ought to be ashamed of yourself for 
asking such a simple question,” added the Gry- 
phon ; and then they both sat silent and looked 
at poor Alice, who felt ready to sink into the 
earth. At last the Gryphon said to the Mock 
Turtle “ Drive on, old fellow ! Don’t be all day 
about it ! ”, and he went on in these words : — 
“Yes, we went to school in the sea, though 

you mayn’t believe it ” 

“ I never said I didn’t ! ” interrupted Alice. 

“ You did,” said the Mock Turtle. 

“ Hold your tongue ! ” added the Gryphon, before 
Alice could speak again. The Mock Turtle went on. 

“We had the best of educations — in fact, w r e 
went to school every day ” 


TURTLES STORY. 


143 


“I’ve been to a day-school, too,” said Alice. 
“ You needn’t be so proud as all that.” 

“ With extras ? ” asked the Mock Turtle, a 
little anxiously. 

“ Yes,” said Alice : “ we learned French and 
music.” 

“ And washing?” said the Mock Turtle. 

“ Certainly not ! ” said Alice indignantly. 

“ Ah ! Then yours wasn’t a really good school,” 
said the Mock Turtle in a tone of great relief. 
“ Now, at ours, they had, at the end of the bill, 

‘ French, music, and washing — extra.’ ” 

“ You couldn’t have wanted it much,” said 
Alice ; “ living at the bottom of the sea.” 

“ I couldn’t afford to learn it,” said the Mock 
Turtle with a sigh. “ I only took the regular 
course.” 

“ What was that ? ” inquired Alice. 

“ Eeeling and Writhing, of course, to begin 
with,” the Mock Turtle replied ; “ and then the 
different branches of Arithmetic — Ambition, Dis- 
traction, Uglification, and Derision.” 


144 


THE MOCK 


“ I never heard of 4 Uglification,’ ” Alice ven- 
tured, to say. 44 What is it?’ 

The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in sur- 
prise. 44 Never heard of uglifying ! ” it exclaimed. 
44 You know what to beautify is, I suppose ? ” 

44 Yes,” said Alice doubtfully : 44 it means — to — 
make — anything — prettier.” 

44 Well, then,” the Gryphon went on, 44 if you 
don’t know what to uglify is, you are a 
simpleton.” 

Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any 
more questions about it : so she turned to the 
Mock Turtle, and said 44 What else had you to 
learn ? ” 

44 Well, there was Mystery,” the Mock Turtle 
replied, counting off the subjects on his flappers, — 
44 Mystery, ancient and modern, with Seaography : 
then Drawling — the Drawling-master was an old 
conger-eel, that used to come once a week : he 
taught us Drawling, Stretching, and Fainting in 
Coils.” 

44 What was that like ? ” said Alice. 


turtle’s story. 


145 


“ Well, I ca’n’t show it you, myself,” the Mock 
Turtle said: “I’m too stiff. And the Gryphon 
never learnt it.” 

“ Hadn’t time,” said the Gryphon : “I went 
to the Classical master, though. He was an old 
crab, he was.” 

“ I never went to him,” the Mock Turtle said 
with a sigh. “ He taught Laughing and Grief, 
they used to say.” 

“ So he did, so he did,” said the Gryphon, 
sighing in his turn ; and both creatures hid their 
faces in their paws. 

“And how many hours a day did you do 
lessons ? ” said Alice, in a hurry to change the 
subject. 

“ Ten hours the first day,” said the Mock 
Turtle : “ nine the next, and so on.” 

“ What a curious plan ! ” exclaimed Alice. 

“ That ’s the reason they ’re called lessons,” the 
Gryphon remarked : “ because they lessen from 
day to day.” 

This was quite a new idea to Alice, and she 

L 


146 


THE MOCK TURTLES STORY. 


thought it over a little before she made her next 
remark. “ Then the eleventh day must have 
been a holiday ? ” 

“ Of course it was/’ said the Mock Turtle. 

“ And how did you manage on the twelfth ? ” 
Alice went on eagerly. 

“ That ’s enough about lessons,” the Gryphon 
interrupted in a very decided tone. “ Tell her 
something about the games now.” 


CHAPTER X. 


THE LOBSTER-QUADRILLE. 

The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and drew the 
back of one flapper across his eyes. He looked 
at Alice and tried to speak, but, for a minute or 
two, sobs choked his voice. “ Same as if he had 
a bone in his throat,” said the Gryphon ; and it 
set to work shaking him and punching him in 
the back. At last the Mock Turtle recovered his 
voice, and, with tears running down his cheeks, 
he went on again : — 

“ You may not have lived much under the 
sea — ” (“I haven’t,” said Alice) — “and perhaps 
you were never even introduced to a lobster — ” 

L 2 


148 


THE LOBSTER- 


( Alice began to say “ I once tasted ” but 

checked herself hastily, and said “No, never”) 

“ so you can have no idea what a delightful 

thing a Lobster-Quadrille is!” 

“No, indeed,” said Alice. “What sort of a 
dance is it ? ” 

“ Why,” said the Gryphon, “ you first form 

into a line along the sea-shore ” 

“ Two lines ! ” cried the Mock Turtle. “ Seals, 
turtles, salmon, and so on : then, when you ’ve 

cleared all the jelly-fish out of the way ” 

“ That generally takes some time,” interrupted 
the Gryphon. 

“ — you advance twice ” 

“ Each with a lobster as a partner ! ” cried the 
Gryphon. 

“ Of course,” the Mock Turtle said : “ advance 

twice, set to partners ” 

“ — change lobsters, and retire in same order,” 
continued the Gryphon. 

“ Then, you know,” the Mock Turtle went on, 
“ you throw the ” 


QUADRILLE. 


149 


“ The lobsters ! ” shouted the Gryphon, with a 
bound into the air. 

“ — as far out to sea as you can ” 

“ Swim after them ! ” screamed the Gryphon. 

“ Turn a somersault in the sea ! ” cried the 
Mock Turtle, capering wildly about. 

“ Change lobsters again ! ” yelled the Gryphon 
at the top of its voice. 

“ Back to land again, and — that ’s all the first 
figure,’’ said the Mock Turtle, suddenly dropping 
his voice ; and the two creatures, who had been 
jumping about like mad things all this time, sat 
down again very sadly and quietly, and looked 
at Alice. 

“ It must be a very pretty dance,” said Alice 
timidly. 

“ Would you like to see a little of it ? ” said 
the Mock Turtle. 

“ Very much indeed,” said Alice. 

“ Come, let ’s try the first figure ! ” said the 
Mock Turtle to the Gryphon. “We can do it 
without lobsters, you know. Which shall sing ? ” 


150 


THE LOBSTER- 



“ Oh, you sing,” said the Gryphon. “ I ’ve 
forgotten the words.” 

So they began solemnly dancing round and 
round Alice, every now and then treading on her 
toes when they passed too close, and waving their 
fore-paws to mark the time, while the Mock Turtle 
sang this, very slowly and sadly : — 


QUADRILLE. 


151 


“ Will you walk a little faster ? ” said a whiting to a snail , 

“ There 's a porpoise close behind us, and he 's treading 
on my tail. 

See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance ! 

They are waiting on the shingle — will you come and 
join the dance ? 

Will you, wo' n’t you, will you, wo' n't you, will you 
join the dance ? 

Will you, wo’n't you, will you, wo'n't you, won't 
you join the dance ? 


“ You can really have no notion how delightful it will be 

When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, 
out to sea ! " 

But the snail replied “ Too far, too far ! ”, and gave a 
look askance — 

Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not 
join the dance. 

Would not, could not, would not, could not, would 
not join the dance. 

Would not, could not, would not, could not, could 
not join the dance. 


152 


THE LOBSTER- 


“ What matters it how far we go ?" his scaly friend replied. 
“ There is another shore , you know, upon the other side. 
The further off from England the nearer is to France — 
Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join 
the dance. 

Will you, won't you, will you, wo'n't you, will you 
join the dance ? 

Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, wo'n't you 
join the dance ? " 

“ Thank you, it ’s a very interesting dance to 
watch,” said Alice, feeling very glad that it was 
over at last : “ and I do so like that curious song 
about the whiting ! ” 

“ Oh, as to the whiting,” said the Mock 
Turtle, “they — you’ve seen them, of course?” 

“ Yes,” said Alice, “ I ’ve often seen them at. 
dinn ” she checked herself hastily. 

“ I don’t know where Dinn may be,” said 
the Mock Turtle ; 4 4 but, if you ’ve seen them 
so often, of course you know what they ’re 
like?” 

44 1 believe so,” Alice replied thoughtfully. 


QUADRILLE. 


153 


“ They have their tails in their mouths — and 
they’re all over crumbs.” 

“ You ’re wrong about the crumbs,” said the 
Mock Turtle : “ crumbs would all wash off in 
the sea. But they have their tails in their 
mouths ; and the reason is — ” here the Mock 
Turtle yawned and shut his eyes. “ Tell her 
about the reason and all that,” he said to the 
Gryphon. 

“ The reason is,” said the Gryphon, “ that 
they would go with the lobsters to the dance. 
So they got thrown out to sea. So they had 
to fall a long way. So they got their tails fast 
in their mouths. So they couldn’t get them out 
again. That’s all.” 

“ Thank you,” said Alice, “ it ’s very interesting. 
I never knew so much about a whiting before.” 

“ I can tell you more than that, if you like,” 
said the Gryphon. “Do you know why it’s 
called a whiting ? ” 

“ I never thought about it,” said Alice. 
“ Why ? ” 


154 


THE LOBSTER- 


“ It does the boots and shoes ,” the Gryphon 
replied very solemnly. 

Alice was thoroughly puzzled. “ Does the boots 
and shoes ! ” she repeated in a wondering tone. 

“ Why, what are your shoes done with ? ” 
said the Gryphon. “ I mean, what makes them 
so shiny ? ” 

Alice looked down at them, and considered a 
little before she gave her answer. “ They ’re done 
with blacking, I believe.” 

“ Boots and shoes under the sea,” the Gry- 
phon went on in a deep voice, “ are done with 
whiting. Now you know.” 

“And what are they made of?” Alice asked 
in a tone of great curiosity. 

“ Soles and eels, of course,” the Gryphon re- 
plied, rather impatiently : “ any shrimp could 
have told you that.” 

“ If I ’d been the whiting,” said Alice, whose 
thoughts were still running on the song, “I’d 
have said to the porpoise ‘ Keep back, please ! 
We don’t want you with us ! ’ ” 


QUADRILLE. 


155 


“ They were obliged to have him with them,” 
the Mock Turtle said. “No wise fish would go 
anywhere without a porpoise.” 

“Wouldn’t it, really?” said Alice, in a tone 
of great surprise. 

“ Of course not,” said the Mock Turtle. 
“Why, if a fish came to me, and told me he 
was going a journey, I should say ‘With what 
porpoise ? ’ ” 

“ Don’t you mean ‘ purpose ’ ? ” said Alice. 

“ I mean what I say,” the Mock Turtle replied, 
in an offended tone. And the Gryphon added 
“ Come, let ’s hear some of your adventures.” 

“ I could tell you my adventures — beginning 
from this morning,” said Alice a little timidly ; 
“ but it ’s no use going back to yesterday, be- 
cause I was a different person then.” 

“Explain all that,” said the Mock Turtle. 

“ No, no ! The adventures first,” said the 
Gryphon in an impatient tone : “ explanations 
take such a dreadful time.” 

So Alice began telling them her adventures 


156 


THE LOBSTER- 


from the time when she first saw the White 
Eabbit. She was a little nervous about it, just at 
first, the two creatures got so close to her, one 
on each side, and opened their eyes and mouths 
so very wide ; but she gained courage as she 
went on. Her listeners were perfectly quiet till 
she got to the part about her repeating 4 4 You 
are old , Father William ,” to the Caterpillar, and 
the words all coming different, and then the 
Mock Turtle drew a long breath, and said “ That ’s 
very curious ! ” 

44 It ’s all about as curious as it can be,” said 
the Gryphon. 

44 It all came different ! ” the Mock Turtle 
repeated thoughtfully. 44 1 should like to hear 
her try and repeat something now. Tell her 
to begin.” He looked at the Gryphon as if he 
thought it had some kind of authority over 
Alice. 

44 Stand up and repeat 4 ’Tis the voice of the 
sluggard ,’ ” said the Gryphon. 

44 How the creatures order one about, and make 


QUADRILLE. 


157 



one repeat lessons ! ” 
thought Alice. “ I 
might just as well 
be at school at 
once.” However, she 
got up, and began 
to repeat it, but her 
head was so full of 
the Lobster-Quad- 
rille, that she hardly 
knew what she was 
saying ; and the 
words came very 
queer indeed : — 


“ ’Tis the voice of the Lobster : I heard him declare 
* You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair! 
As a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose 
Trims his belt and his buttons, and turns out his toes. 
When the sands are all dry, he is gay as a lark, 
And will talk in contemptuous tones of the Shark : 
But, when the tide rises and sharks are around, 

His voice has a timid and tremulous sound!' 


158 


THE LOBSTER- 


“ That ’s different from what / used to say 
when I was a child,” said the Gryphon. 

“ Well, I never heard it before,” said the Mock 
Turtle ; “ but it sounds uncommon nonsense.” 

Alice said nothing : she had sat down with 
her face in her hands, wondering if anything 
would ever happen in a natural way again. 

“ I should like to have it explained,” said the 
Mock Turtle. 

“ She can’t explain it,” said the Gryphon 
hastily. “ Go on with the next verse.” 

“ But about his toes ? ” the Mock Turtle 
persisted. “ How could he turn them out with 
his nose, you know?” 

“ It ’s the first position in dancing,” Alice 
said ; but she was dreadfully puzzled by the 
whole thing, and longed to change the subject. 

“ Go on with the next verse,” the Gryphon 
repeated : “ it begins ‘ I passed by his garden .’ ” 

Alice did not dare to disobey, though she 
felt sure it would all come wrong, and she went 
on in a trembling voice : — 


QUADRILLE. 


159 


“I passed by his garden , and marked , one eye, 

How the Owl and the Panther were sharing a pie : 
The Panther took pie-crust, and gravy, and meat, 
While the Owl had the dish as its share of the treat. 
When the pie was all finished, the Owl, as a boon, 
Was kindly permitted to pocket the spoon : 

While the Panther received knife and fork with a growl , 
And concluded the banquet by ” 

“What is the use of repeating all that stuff?” 
the Mock Turtle interrupted, “ if you don’t explain 
it as you go on ? It ’s by far the most confusing 
thing I ever heard ! ” 

“ Yes, I think you ’d better leave off,” said 
the Gryphon, and Alice was only too glad to 
do so. 

“ Shall we try another figure of the Lobster- 
Quadrille ? ” the Gryphon went on. “ Or would 
you like the Mock Turtle to sing you another 
song ? ” 

“Oh, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle 
would be so kind,” Alice replied, so eagerly 


160 


THE LOBSTER- 


that the Gryphon said, in a rather offended 
tone, “ Hm ! No accounting for tastes ! Sing 
her ‘ Turtle Soup ,’ will you, old fellow ? ” 

The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began, 
in a voice choked with sobs, to sing this : — 

" Beautiful Soup, so rich and green, 

Waiting in a hot tureen ! 

Who for such dainties would not stoop ? 

Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup ! 

Soup of the evening, beautif ul Soup ! 

Beau — ootiful Soo — oop! 

Beau — ootiful Soo — oop ! 

Soo — oop of the e — e — evening, 

Beautiful, beautiful Soup ! 

“ Beautiful Soup ! Who cares for fish, 

Game, or any other dish ? 

Who would not give all else for two p 
enny worth only of beautiful Soup ? 
Pennyworth only of beautiful soup ? 

Beau — ootiful Soo — oop! 

Beau — ootiful Soo — oop ! 


QUADRILLE. 


161 


Soo — oop of the e — e — evening, 

Beautiful, heauti — FUL SOUP!” 

“ Chorus again ! ” cried the Gryphon, and the 
Mock Turtle had just begun to repeat it, when 
a cry of “ The trial’s beginning!” was heard in 
the distance. 

“ Come on ! ” cried the Gryphon, and, taking 
Alice by the hand, it hurried off, without wait- 
ing for the end of the song. 

“ What trial is it ? ” Alice panted as she ran ; 
but the Gryphon only answered “ Come on ! ” 
and ran the faster, while more and more faintly 
came, carried on the breeze that followed them, 
the melancholy words : — 

“ Soo — oop of the e — e — evening, 

Beautiful, beautiful Soup!” 


M 




CHAPTER XI. 


WHO STOLE THE TARTS? 

The King and Queen of Hearts were seated 
on their throne when they arrived, with a great 
crowd assembled about them — all sorts of little 
birds and beasts, as well as the whole pack of 
cards : the Knave was standing before them, 
in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard 
him; and near the King was the White Rabbit, 
with a trumpet in one hand, and a scroll of 
parchment in the other. In the very middle 
of the court was a table, with a large dish of 


WHO STOLE THE TARTS? 


163 


tarts upon it : they looked so good, that it 
made Alice quite hungry to look at them — “ I 
wish they’d get the trial done,” she thought, 
“ and hand round the refreshments ! ” But there 
seemed to be no chance of this ; so she began 
looking at everything about her to pass away 
the time. 

Alice had never been in a court of justice 
before, but she had read about them in books, 
and she was quite pleased to find that she knew 
the name of nearly everything there. “That’s 
the judge,” she said to herself, “ because of his 
great wig.” 

The judge, by the way, was the King ; and, 
as he wore his crown over the wig (look at 
the frontispiece if you want to see how he did 
it), he did not look at all comfortable, and it 
was certainly not becoming. 

“ And that ’s the jury-box,” thought Alice ; 
“ and those twelve creatures,” (she was obliged 
to say “creatures,” you see, because some of 
them were animals, and some were birds,) “ I 
M 2 


164 


WHO STOLE 


suppose they are the jurors.” ^ She said this 
last word two or three times over to herself, 
being rather proud of it : for she thought, and 
rightly too, that very few little girls of her age 
knew the meaning of it at all. However, “jury- 
men ” would have done just as well. 

The twelve jurors were all writing very 
busily on slates. “ What are they doing ? ” Alice 
whispered to the Gryphon. “ They ca’n t have 
anything to put down yet, before the trial ’s 
begun.” 

“They’re putting down their names,” the 
Gryphon whispered in reply, “ for fear they 
should forget them before the end of the trial.” 

“ Stupid things ! ” Alice began in a loud 
indignant voice ; but she stopped herself hastily, 
for the White Rabbit cried out “ Silence in the 
court ! ”, and the King put on his spectacles and 
looked anxiously round, to make out who was 
talking. 

Alice could see, as well as if she were look- 
ing over their shoulders, that all the jurors were 


THE TARTS? 


165 


writing down “ Stupid things ! ” on their slates, 
and she could even make out that one of them 
didn’t know how to spell “ stupid,” and that he 
had to ask his neighbour to tell him. “ A nice 
muddle their slates’ll be in, before the trial’s 
over ! ” thought Alice. 

One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. 
This, of course, Alice could not stand, and she 
went round the court and got behind him, and 
very soon found an opportunity of taking it 
away. She did it so quickly that the poor 
little juror (it was Bill, the Lizard) could not 
make out at all what had become of it ; so, 
after hunting all about for it, he was obliged 
to write with one finger for the rest of the 
day ; and this was of very little use, as it left 
no mark on the slate. 

“Herald, read the accusation!” said the 
King. 

On this the White Babbit blew three blasts 
on the trumpet, and then unrolled the parch- 
ment-scroll, and read as follows : — 


166 


WHO STOLE 



“ The Queen of Hearts, she made some torts, 

All on a summer day : 

The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts 
And took them quite away ! ” 

“ Consider your verdict,” the King said to 
the jury. 



THE TARTS? 


167 


“ Not yet, not yet ! ” the Rabbit hastily in- 
terrupted. 44 There ’s a great deal to come before 
that ! ” 

“ Call the first witness,” said the King ; and the 
White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, 
and called out “ First witness ! ” 

The first witness was the Hatter. He came in 
with a teacup in one hand and a piece of bread- 
and-butter in the other. “ I beg pardon, your 
Majesty,” he began, 44 for bringing these in ; but 
I hadn’t quite finished my tea when I was sent 
for.” 

44 You ought to have finished,” said the King. 
44 When did you begin ? ” 

The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had 
followed him into the court, arm-in-arm with the 
Dormouse. 44 Fourteenth of March, I think it 
was,” he said. 

44 Fifteenth,” said the March Hare. 

44 Sixteenth,” said the Dormouse. 

“ Write that down,” the King said to the jury ; 
and the jury eagerly wrote down all three 


168 


WHO STOLE 


dates on their slates, and then added them up, 
and reduced the answer to shillings and pence. 

“Take off your hat,” the King said to the 
Hatter. 

“It isn’t mine,” said the Hatter. 

“Stolen!” the King exclaimed, turning to the 
jury, who instantly made a memorandum of the 
fact. 

“ I keep them to sell,” the Hatter added as 
an explanation. “I’ve none of my own. I ’m a 
hatter.” 

Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and 
began staring hard at the Hatter, who turned pale 
and fidgeted. 

“ Give your evidence,” said the King ; “and 
don’t be nervous, or I ’ll have you executed on 
the spot.” 

This did not seem to encourage the witness at 
all : he kept shifting from one foot to the other, 
looking uneasily at the Queen, and in his con- 
fusion he bit a large piece out of his teacup 
instead of the bread-and-butter. 


THE TARTS ? 


169 


Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious 
sensation, which puzzled her a good deal until 
she made out what it was : she was beginning to 
grow larger again, and she thought at first she 
would get up and leave the court ; but on second 
thoughts she decided to remain where she was as 
long as there was room for her. 

“ I wish you wouldn’t squeeze so,” said the 
Dormouse, who was sitting next to her. “ I can 
hardly breathe.” 

“ I ca’n’t help it,” said Alice very meekly : “ I’m 
growing.” 

“ You’ve no right to grow here” said the Dor- 
mouse. 

“ Don’t talk nonsense,” said Alice more boldly : 
“ you know you ’re growing too.” 

“ Yes, but / grow at a reasonable pace,” said 
the Dormouse : “ not in that ridiculous fashion.” 
And he got up very sulkily and crossed over to 
the other side of the court.' 

All this time the Queen had never left off 
staring at the Hatter, and, just as the Dormouse 


170 


WHO STOLE 


crossed the court, she said, to one of the officers of 
the court, “ Bring me the list of the singers in the 
last concert ! ” on which the wretched Hatter 

trembled so, that he 
shook off both his 
shoes. 

“ Give your evi- 
dence,” the King re- 
peated angrily, “ or 
I ’ll have you executed, 
whether you ’re ner- 
vous or not.” 

“ I ’m a poor man, 
your Majesty,” the 
Hatter began, in a 
trembling voice, “ and 
1 hadn’t begun my tea — not above a week or 
so — and what with the bread-and-butter getting 

so thin — and the twinkling of the tea ” 

“The twinkling of what?” said the King. 

“ It began with the tea,” the Hatter replied. 

“ Of course twinkling begins with a T ! ” said 



THE TARTS ? 


171 


the King sharply. “ Do you take me for a dunce ? 
Go on ! ” 

“I’m a poor man,” the Hatter went on, “ and 
most things twinkled after that — only the March 
Hare said ” 

“ I didn’t ! ” the March Hare interrupted in a 
great hurry. 

“ You did ! ” said the Hatter. 

“ I deny it ! ” said the March Hare. 

“ He denies it y ” said the King : “ leave out 
that part.” 

“ Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said ” the 

Hatter went on, looking anxiously round to see if 
he would deny it too ; but the Dormouse denied 
nothing, being fast asleep. 

“ After that,” continued the Hatter, “ I cut 
some more bread-and-butter ” 

“ But what did the Dormouse say ? ” one of 
the jury asked. 

“ That I ca’n’t remember,” said the Hatter. 

“You must remember,” remarked the King, 
“ or I ’ll have you executed.” 


172 


WHO STOLE 


The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and 
bread-and-butter, and went down on one knee. 
“I’m a poor man, your Majesty,” he began. 

“ You ’re a very poor speaker ,” said the King. 

Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was 
immediately suppressed by the officers of the 
court. (As that is rather a hard word, I will just 
explain to you how it was done. They had a 
large canvas bag, which tied up at the mouth 
with strings : into this they slipped the guinea- 
pig, head first, and then sat upon it.) 

“I’m glad I ’ve seen that done,” thought Alice. 
“ I ’ve so often read in the newspapers, at the end 
of trials, ‘ There was some attempt at applause, 
which vras immediately suppressed by the officers 
of the court,’ and I never understood what it 
meant till now.” 

“ If that ’s all you know about it, you may 
stand down,” continued the King. 

“ I ca’n’t go no lower,” said the Hatter : “I’m 
on the floor, as it is.” 

“Then you may sit down,” the King replied. 


THE TARTS? 


73 


Here the other guinea-pig cheered, and was 
suppressed. 



“ Come, that finishes the guinea-pigs ! ” thought 
Alice. “Now we shall get on better.” 

“ I ’d rather finish my tea,” said the Hatter, 
with an anxious look at the Queen, who was 
reading the list of singers. 

“You may go,” said the King, and the Hatter 
hurriedly left the court, without even waiting to 
put his shoes on. 

“ and just take his head off outside,” the 


174 


WHO STOLE 


Queen added to one of the officers ; but the 
Hatter was out of sight before the officer could 
get to the door. 

“ Call the next witness ! ” said the King. 

The next witness was the Duchess’s cook. 
She carried the pepper-box in her hand, and 
Alice guessed who it was, even before she got 
into the court, by the way the people near the 
door began sneezing all at once. 

“ Give your evidence,” said the King. 

“ Sha’n’t,” said the cook. 

The King looked anxiously at the White 
Rabbit, who said, in a low voice, “ Your Majesty 
must cross-examine this witness.” 

“Well, if I must, I must,” the King said 
with a melancholy air, and, after folding his 
arms and frowning at the cook till his eyes 
were nearly out of sight, he said, in a deep 
voice, “What are tarts made of?” 

“ Pepper, mostly,” said the cook. 

“ Treacle,” said a sleepy voice behind her. 

“ Collar that Dormouse ! ” the Queen shrieked 


THE TARTS? 


175 


out. “ Beliead that Dormouse ! Turn that Dor- 
mouse out of court ! Suppress him ! Pinch him ! 
Off with his whiskers ! ” 

For some minutes the whole court was in 
confusion, getting the Dormouse turned out, and, 
by the time they had settled down again, the 
cook had disappeared. 

“ Never mind ! ” said the King, with an air 
of great relief. “ Call the next witness.” And, 
he added, in an under-tone to the Queen, 
“ Really, my dear, you must cross-examine the 
next witness. It quite makes my forehead ache ! ” 

Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled 
over the list, feeling very curious to see what 
the next witness would be like, “ — for they 
haven’t got much evidence yet ” she said to 
herself. Imagine her surprise, when the White 
Rabbit read out, at the top of his shrill little 
voice, the name “Alice!” 


CHAPTER XII. 


Alice’s evidence. 

“ Here ! ” cried Alice, quite forgetting in the 
flurry of the moment how large she had grown 
in the last few minutes, and she jumped up in 
such a hurry that she tipped over the jury-box 
with the edge of her skirt, upsetting all the jury- 
men on to the heads of the crowd below, and 
there they lay sprawling about, reminding her 
very much of a globe of gold-fish she had 
accidentally upset the week before. 

“Oh, I beg your pardon ! ” she exclaimed in 
a tone of great dismay, and began picking them 
up again as quickly as she could, for the acci- 


Alice’s evidence. 


lTi 



dent of the gold-fish kept running in her head, 
and she had a vague sort of idea that they 
must be collected at once and put back into the 
jury-box, or they would die. 

N 


178 


Alice’s evidence. 


“The trial cannot proceed,” said the King, in 
a very grave voice, “ unti] all the jurymen are 
back in their proper places — all” he repeated 
with great emphasis, looking hard at Alice as he 
said so. 

Alice looked at the jury-box, and saw that, 
in her haste, she had put the Lizard in head 
downwards, and the poor little thing was 

waving its tail about in a melancholy way, 

being quite unable to move. She soon got it 
out again, and put it right ; “ not that it signifies 
much,” she said to herself ; “ I should think it 
would be quite as much use in the trial one 
way up as the other.” 

As soon as the jury had a little recovered 
from the shock of being upset, and their slates 
and pencils had been found and handed back 

to them, they set to work very diligently to 

write out a history of the accident, all except 
the Lizard, who seemed too much overcome to 
do anything but sit with its mouth open, gazing 
up into the roof of the court. 


ALICE'S EVIDENCE. 


179 


“ What do you know about this business ? ” 
the King said to Alice. 

“ Nothing,” said Alice. 

“Nothing whatever f” persisted the King. 

. “ Nothing whatever,” said Alice. 

“ That ’s very important,” the King said, turn- 
ing to the jury. They were just beginning to 
write this down on their slates, when the White 
Rabbit interrupted : “ £7nimportant, your Majesty 
means, of course,” he said, in a very respectful 
tone, but frowning and making faces at him as 
he spoke. 

“ ZTmmportant, of course, I meant,” the King 
hastily said, and went on to himself in an under- 
tone, “ important — unimportant — unimportant — 

important ” as if he were trying which word 

sounded best. 

Some of the jury wrote it down “ important,” 
and some “ unimportant.” Alice could see this, 
as she was near enough to look over their slates ; 
“ but it doesn’t matter a bit,” she thought to 
herself. 

N 2 


180 


Alice's evidence. 


At this moment the King, who had been for 
some time busily writing in his note-book, called 
out “ Silence ! ”, and read out from his book, 
“ Rule Forty -two. All persons more than a mile 
high to leave the court A 

Everybody looked at Alice. 

“I’m not a mile high,” said Alice. 

“You are,” said the King. 

“ Nearly two miles high,” added the Queen. 

“ Well, I slia’n’t go, at any rate,” said Alice : 
“ besides, that ’s not a regular rule : you invented 
it just now.” 

“ It ’s the oldest rule in the book,” said the 
King. 

“ Then it ought to be Number One,” said Alice. 

The King turned pale, and shut his note- 
book hastily. “ Consider your verdict,” he said to 
the jury, in a low trembling voice. 

“ There ’s more evidence to come yet, please 
your Majesty,” said the White Rabbit, jumping 
up in a great hurry: “this paper has just been 
picked up.” 


Alice’s evidence. 


181 


“ What ’s in it ? ” said the Queen. 

“ I haven’t opened it yet,” said the White 
Rabbit ; “ but it seems to be a letter, written by 
the prisoner to — to somebody.” 

“ It must have been that,” said the King, 
“ unless it was written to nobody, which isn’t 
usual, you know.” 

“ Who is it directed to ? ” said one of the 
jurymen. 

“ It isn’t directed at all,” said the White 
Rabbit : “in fact, there ’s nothing written on the 
outside .” He unfolded the paper as he spoke, and 
added “It isn’t a letter, after all: it’s a set of 
verses.” 

“ Are they in the prisoner’s handwriting ? ” 
asked another of the jurymen. 

“No, they ’re not,” said the White Rabbit, 
“and that’s the queerest thing about it.” (The 
jury all looked puzzled.) 

“ He must have imitated somebody else’s 
hand,” said the King. (The jury all brightened 
up again.) 


182 


ALICES EVIDENCE. 


“ Please your Majesty,” said the Knave, “ I 
didn’t write it, and they ca’n’t prove that I did : 
there ’s no name signed at the end.” 

“ If you didn’t sign it,” said the King, “ that 
only makes the matter worse. You must have 
meant some mischief, or else you’d have signed 
your name like an honest man.” 

There was a general clapping of hands at this : 
it was the first really clever thing the King had 
said that day. 

“ That proves his guilt, of course,” said the 
Queen : “so, off with .” 

“ It doesn’t prove anything of the sort ! ” 
said Alice. “ Why, you don’t even know what 
they ’re about ! ” 

“ Head them,” said the King. 

The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. 
“Where shall I begin, please your Majesty?” 
he asked. 

“ Begin at the beginning,” the King said, 
very gravely, “ and go on till you come to the 
end : then stop.” 


Alice’s evidence. 


183 


There was dead silence in the court, whilst 
the White Babbit read out these verses : — 

“ They told me you had been to her , 

And mentioned me to him: 

She gave me a good character, 

But said I could not swim. 

He sent them word I had not gone 
(We know it to be true): 

If she should push the matter on, 

What would become of you ? 

I gave her one, they gave him two, 

You gave us three or more ; 

They all returned from him to you, 

Though they were mine before. 

If I or she should chance to be 
Involved in this affair, 

He trusts to you to set them free, 

Exactly as we were . 


184 


Alice’s evidence. 


My notion was that you had been 
(Before she had this fit) 

An obstacle that came between 
Him , and ourselves , and it. 

Don't let him know she liked them best , 

For this must ever be 
A secret , kept from all the rest , 

Between yourself and me .” 

“ That ’s the most important piece of evidence 
we ’ve heard yet,” said the King, rubbing his 
hands ; “ so now let the jury ” 

“ If any one of them can explain it,” said 
Alice, (she had grown so large in the last few 
minutes that she wasn’t a bit afraid of inter- 
rupting him,) “ I ’ll give him sixpence. I don’t 
believe there’s an atom of meaning in it.” 

The jury all wrote down, on their slates, 
“ She doesn’t believe there ’s an atom of meaning 
in it,” but none of them attempted to explain 
the paper. 


Alice’s evidence. 


185 


“ If there ’s no meaning in it,” said the 
King, “ that saves a world, of trouble, you 
know, as we needn’t try to find any. And 
yet I don’t know,” he went on, spreading out 
the verses on his knee, and looking at them 
with one eye ; “I seem to see some meaning in 
them, after all. ‘ — said I could not swim — ’ 
you ca’n’t swim, can you ? ” he added, turning 
to the Knave. 

The Knave shook his head sadly. “Do I 
look like it ? ” he said. (Which he certainly 
did not , being made entirely of cardboard.) 

“ All right, so far,” said the King ; and he 
went on muttering over the verses to himself : 
“ ‘ We know it to be true ’ — that’s the jury, of 
course — 4 If she should push the matter on ’ — 
that must be the Queen — 4 What would become 
of you ?’ — What, indeed ! — ‘I gave her one , they 
gave him two ’ — why, that must be what he did 
with the tarts, you know ” 

“ But it goes on ‘ they all returned from 
him to you ,’ ” said Alice. 


186 


ALICES EVIDENCE. 



“ Why, there they 
are ? ” said the King 
triumphantly, pointing 
to the tarts on the 
table. “ Nothing can be 
clearer than that. Then 
again — ‘ before she had 
this fit ’ — you never 
had fits , my dear, I 
think ? ” he said to the 
Queen. 

“ Never ! ” said the 
Queen, furiously, throw- 


ing an inkstand at the Lizard as she spoke. 
(The unfortunate little Bill had left off writing 
on his slate with one finger, as he found it made 


Alice’s evidence. 


187 


no mark ; but lie now hastily began again, using 
the ink, that was trickling down his face, as 
long as it lasted.) 

“ Then the words don’t Jit you,” said the 
King, looking round the court with a smile. 
There was a dead silence. 

“ It ’s a pun ! ” the King added in an angry 
tone, and everybody laughed. “ Let the jury 
consider their verdict,” the King said, for about 
the twentieth time that day. 

“ No, no ! ” said the Queen. “ Sentence first — 
verdict afterwards.” 

“ Stuff and nonsense ! ” said Alice loudly. “ The 
idea of having the sentence first ! ” 

“ Hold your tongue ! ” said the Queen, turn- 
ing purple. 

“ I wo’n’t ! ” said Alice. 

“ Off with her head ! ” the Queen shouted at 
the top of her voice. Nobody moved. 

“Who cares for you f” said Alice (she had 
grown to her full size by this time). “You’re 
nothing but a pack of cards ! ” 


188 


Alice’s evidence. 





At tliis the whole pack rose up into the air, 
and came flying down upon her ; she gave a 



Alice’s evidence. 


189 


little scream, half of fright and half of anger, 
and tried to beat them off, and found herself 
lying on the bank, with her head in the lap of 
her sister, who was gently brushing away some 
dead leaves that had fluttered down from the 
trees upon her face. 

“Wake up, Alice dear!” said her sister. 
“ Why, what a long sleep you ’ve had ! ” 

“ Oh, I ’ve had such a curious dream ! ” said 
Alice. And she told her sister, as well as she 
could remember them, all these strange Adven- 
tures of hers that you have just been reading 
about ; and, when she had finished, her sister 
kissed her, and said “ It was a curious dream, 
dear, certainly ; but now run in to your tea : 
it’s getting late.” So Alice got up and ran off, 
thinking while she ran, as well she might, what 
a wonderful dream it had been. 


190 


But her sister sat still just as she left her, 
leaning her head on her hand, watching the 
setting sun, and thinking of little Alice and all 
her wonderful Adventures, till she too began 
dreaming after a fashion, and this was her 
dream : — 

First, she dreamed about little Alice herself : 
once again the tiny hands were clasped upon 
her knee, and the bright eager eyes were look- 
ing up into hers — she could hear the very tones 
of her voice, and see that queer little toss of 
her head to keep back the wandering hair that 
would always get into her eyes — and still as 
she listened, or seemed to listen, the whole 
place around her became alive with the strange 
creatures of her little sister’s dream. 


191 


The long grass rustled at her feet as the 
White Rabbit hurried by — the frightened Mouse 
splashed his way through the neighbouring pool 
— she could hear the rattle of the teacups as 
the March Hare and his friends shared their 
never-ending meal, and the shrill voice of the 
Queen ordering off her unfortunate guests tp 
execution — once more the pig-baby was sneezing 
on the Duchess’ knee, while plates and dishes 
crashed around it — once more the shriek of the 
Gryphon, the squeaking of the Lizard’s slate- 
pencil, and the choking of the suppressed guinea- 
pigs, filled the air, mixed up with the distant 
sob of the miserable Mock Turtle. 

So she sat on, with closed eyes, and half 
believed herself in Wonderland, though she 
knew she had but to open them again, and all 
would change to dull reality — the grass would 
be only rustling in the wind, and the pool rip- 
pling to the waving of the reeds — the rattling 
teacups would change to tinkling sheep-bells, 
and the Queen’s shrill cries to the voice of the 


192 


shepherd-boy — and the sneeze of the baby, the 
shriek of the Gryphon, and all the other queer 
noises, would change (she knew) to the con- 
fused clamour of the busy farm-yard — while the 
lowing of the cattle in the distance w r ould take 
the place of the Mock Turtle’s heavy sobs. 

Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same 
little sister of hers would, in the after-time, be 
herself a grown woman ; and how she would 
keep, through all her riper years, the simple and 
loving heart of her childhood ; and how she 
would gather about her other little children, and 
make their eyes bright and eager with many a 
strange tale, perhaps even with the dream of 
Wonderland of long ago ; and how she would 
feel with all their simple sorrows, and find a 
pleasure in all their simple joys, remembering 
her own child-life, and the happy summer days. 

THE END. 


RICHARD CLAY AND SONS, LIMITED, LONDON AND BUNGAY. 


LIFE HISTORIES 

OF 

AMERICAN INSECTS. 


BY 

CLARENCE MOORES WEED, D.Sc., 

Professor of Zoology and Entomology , New Hampshire College of 
Agriculture and Mechanic Arts. 


Illustrated. Cloth. Price, $ 1.50. 


With 21 Full-page Illustrations and smaller cuts in the text- 
Decorated cover. 


A series of pages in which an enthusiastic student of entomo- 
logical science describes, often in the words of, always with the 
intensely interesting air of, the original observer, — changes such 
as may often be seen in an insect’s form, and which mark the prog- 
ress of its life. He shows how very wide a field of interesting 
facts is in reach of any one who has the patience to collect these 
little creatures. The work is not a text-book, but can be used as 
supplementary reading. Teachers who may care to complete 
their school or private libraries by an exhaustive treatment of 
entomology will find the most complete and up-to-date work of 
the kind in Dr. Packard’s elaborate text-book, to be issued 
shortly. This volume will serve as a somewhat popular introduc- 
tion to the subject. 


THE MACMILLAN COMPANY 

66 FIFTH AVENUE, NEW YORK. 


LESSONS WITH PLANTS 


BY 

L. H. BAILEY. 

Suggestions for Seeing and Interpreting Some of 
the Common Forms of Vegetation. 


i2mo, Half Leather, Price, $1.10 net. 


WITH DELINEATIONS FROM NATURE BY 

W. S. HOLDS WORTH, 

Assistant Professor of Drawing in the Agricultural College of 
Michigan. 


“The clear text, beautiful illustrations, strong binding, and, 
most important of all, the very excellent arrangement of the sub- 
ject matter make it an invaluable adjunct to the working mate- 
rials of a busy teacher. Aside from its value as a thoroughly 
up-to-date text-book, it is equally indispensable to the busy 
teacher as a reference book on account of the clear, concise, and 
unique manner of the arrangement of its contents.” 

MISS L. M. ELLIOT, 

Grammar School JVo. 82 , 
New York City. 


THE MACMILLAN COMPANY, 

66 FIFTH AVENUE, NEW YORK. 


"AN IDEAL BOOK ON NATURE STUDY." 

CITIZEN BIRD. 

Scenes from Bird Life in Plain English for Beginners. By 
Mabel Osgood Wright and Elliott Coues. With One 
Hundred and Eleven Illustrations by Louis Agassiz Fuertes. 
i2mo, Cloth, $1.50, net. 

This first issue of The Heart of Nature Series — Citizen Bird — is 
in every way a remarkable book. It is the story of the Bird-People 
told for the House-People, especially the young House-People, being 
dedicated “To All Boys and Girls who Love Birds and Wish to Pro- 
tect Them.” 

It is not a mere sympathetic plea for protection. It shows how Citi- 
zen Bird “ works for his own living as well as ours, pays his rent and 
taxes, and gives free concerts daily”; is scientifically accurate in de- 
scription of anatomy, dress, and habits; and is illustrated by over one 
hundred engravings in half tone, together with descriptive diagrams, 
and has a valuable index of some one hundred and fifty-four American 
birds. 

It is a question when one becomes too old to enjoy such a delight- 
ful and entertaining book. 


TOMMY-ANNE 

AND 

THE THREE HEARTS. 

By Mabel Osgood Wright. With many Illustrations by Albert 
D. Blashfield. i2mo, Cloth, Colored Edges, $1.50. 

“ This book is calculated to interest children in nature, and grown folks, 
too, will find themselves catching the author’s enthusiasm. As for Toramy- 
Anne herself, she is bound to make friends wherever she is known. The 
more of such books as these, the better for the children. One Tommy- 
Anne is worth a whole shelf of the average juvenile literature.” — Critic. 

“ Her book is altogether out of the commonplace. It will be immensely 
entertaining to all children who have a touch of imagination, and it is 
instructive and attractive to older readers as well.” — Outlook. 

“ The work is probably the most charming nature-book for children 
published this year." — Dial. 


THE MACMILLAN COMPANY, 

66 FIFTH AVENUE, NEW YORK. 


FOUR-FOOTED AMERICANS. 

SOME NATIVE ANIMALS. 

BY 

MABEL OSGOOD WRIGHT and FRANK M. CHAPMAN. 

With Seventy-five Illustrations 
By ERNEST E. SETON THOMPSON. 


WILD NEIGHBORS. 

Out-Door Studies in the United States. 

By ERNEST INGERSOLL, 

Author of “Country Cousins “ Friends Worth Knowing" etc ., etc. 

Crown Octavo. Cloth. Price, $1.50. 

With 20 Full-page Illustrations, and other small cuts. 


Written by the author of a number of successful books, such 
as “ Birds’-nesting,” “ Knocking ’Round the Rockies,” “ The 
Crest of the Continent,” etc., etc., — a writer who has the gift 
of so writing that the reader seems to be seeing with him the 
places described, and in the. case of these new papers, feels as if 
he himself had been watching the shy creatures of whose habits 
so fascinating an account is given. He begins with the little 
gray squirrel ; but writes not only of the panther, the mysterious, 
despised coyote, badgers and other burrowers, of elephants and 
other animals ; but also of “ the service of tails,” of animal 
training and intelligence, and of perhaps half-a-dozen more topics, 
closing with “ A Little Brother of the ‘Bear, ” which any boy will 
be rejoiced to read, with only one regret — that it is the last. 


THE MACMILLAN COMPANY, 

66 FIFTH AVENUE, NEW YORK. 






































































































































































































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